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"We both have it..."

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dave Dec-14-99, 06:38 AM (CST)

"We both have it..."

I started dating this girl (we are both divorsed) and after some time we became intimate. She said she had not been with anyone other than her ex-husband during the last ten years. I have not been with anyone either. We made love a couple of times and within a week or two she had got herpies. I must have given it to her!?! I did not know I had it and have never had any symptoms that I would recognize as herpies. She has flu like symptoms, pain urinating ect... Anyways, to make the long story short, I think we are going to get married and I assume we both have it. Do we still need to take precausions because we both have it? Can we make our own infection any worse? Can we still have oral sex (obviously not during a known outbreak) and should I always wear a condom?
Thanks,
Dave

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Table of contents

....., Wombat, Dec-14-99, (1)
We both have it, dave, Dec-14-99, (2)
hsv2 couple, Orchid, Dec-14-99, (3)
orchid, Zena, Dec-14-99, (4)
Zena, Orchid, Dec-15-99, (5)
We both have it..., Dave, Dec-15-99, (6)
Dave, Orchid, Dec-15-99, (7)

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Wombat Dec-14-99, 10:04 AM (CST)

1. "....."

Hello Dave,
My take on it:
>I started dating this girl (we are
>both divorsed) and after some time
>we became intimate. She said she
>had not been with anyone other
>than her ex-husband during the last
>ten years. I have not been
>with anyone either. We made love
>a couple of times and within
>a week or two she had
>got herpies. I must have given
>it to her!?!
That's how it looks on the facts as presented.
I did not
>know I had it and have
>never had any symptoms that I
>would recognize as herpies. She has
>flu like symptoms, pain urinating ect...
Tell her that it will get better.
>Anyways, to make the long story
>short, I think we are going
>to get married and I assume
>we both have it. Do we
>still need to take precausions because
>we both have it?
First, keep in mind that perfectly wonderful people can dissemble a bit on the subject of herpes, so there is a chance that you don't have it. Second, even if you both have it and so the chance of reinfection is not high, there is no reason to play with fire. At least avoid sex during and around outbreaks.
Can we
>make our own infection any worse?
As I understand it the likelihood of this, especially if the two of you have the same strain, is close to zero.
>Can we still have oral sex
>(obviously not during a known outbreak)
Yes, in fact I think most people would argue that this is even safer than intercourse.
>and should I always wear a
>condom?
No.
Wombat

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dave Dec-14-99, 01:08 PM (CST)

2. "We both have it"

Would you say it is a good idea for me to get the "pocket" blood test to see which type I have? Is it a problem if I have type one and she has type two? Are they both basically the same thing?

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Orchid Dec-14-99, 01:14 PM (CST)

3. "hsv2 couple"

If your partner is newly infected with hsv virus, she will need at least 6 months to a year to allow her body to adjust and build defense system i.e. bostering anitbodies against virus.
I would take some precaution though having the same strain of virus helps. It is her who would be at somewhat or probably at greater risk of being reloaded with virus while her body is adjusting.
For her protection, if you shed virus from shaft and foreskin area, wear condom. If you are shedding from external site i.e. testscile, wear underwear and condom.
Be aware of your immunity's "moods". If you feel it is at low point, take precaution or at least avoid contact on sites that shed virus.
Your partner will learn her own moods as well and observe how her body reacts to it. Classic profile is outbreak 4 to 6 times a year with episodes of asypmotical shedding - unfortunately - but with medicine like valtrex and famvir, the chance is greatly reduced - the study shows about 95% to 97% of no shedding.
In your case, you are one of lucky ones who have good natural defense system but are most at risk of asympotical shedding, that is how your partner got it.
I would bet 5% to 3% at that time when there is shedding, the immunity is down, that is when you would feel it at the most and the most likely you don't feel like making love.
For oral sex, just be careful and maybe if you want, reserve it for the time when you both feel phsyically at the best.
Discuss with your doctor about going on one tablet of valtrex or famvir daily for extra protection. Studies show good safety profile. I myself am at near 9th month of pregnancy and I can take it if I need it.
For vaginal delivery - pregnant women take medicine at 34 to 36th week of pregnancy daily to prevent outbreak and shedding. If she has more frequent outbreaks during pregnancy, she can just go on medicine as needed but might want to opt for c-section for safety because asympotical shedding become more likely. If she does not have problem then at near delivery time, she can ask for culture test to make sure there is no virus at presence and during the labor, doctor will use a very strong light to scan for any presence of lesion at sites as specified and if there is none and for me personally, if the labor is not too long or too painful, I will deliver the baby naturally. Researches though recent and by small numbers show very good results.
There are more info about this on many sites.
People here on forum have their perspectives on precaution so what I am giving is mine from somewhat pretty cautious mentality.
Orchid

Top

Zena Dec-14-99, 11:43 PM (CST)

4. "orchid"

This is deviating a little bit, but since you brought it up....
I contracted herpes while pregnant,as we all know, the very worst time ever to contract herpes.
(can you say stupid) anyway....I still had my son vaginally thanks to an educated OB. So even high risk women can still deliver vaginally, as you mentioned, with cautious monitering.
Dave....I also agree that you should see another Dr., one that will give you more info and actually tell you what strain you have. AND, you can never learn too much about herpes, even though I have found some things are contradictory...educating yourself is the best way to deal with this....so, hang in there. It will be ok. You are willing to post here to find out more...so keep up the good work and be strong!
Peace~ Zena

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Orchid Dec-15-99, 09:07 AM (CST)

5. "Zena"

Glad to hear that your case turned out to be one of happy stories. I got a private e-mail saying that first child was vaginally delivered with medicine prior to due date but the second pregnancy was completely different. The mother went on medicine and still had outbreaks before delivery. She had to go for c-section.
In general most women still have vaginal delivery with or without medicine though there is no guarnatee that it is risk zero.
Your story still reassures me anyway.
Smile, Orchid

Top

Dave Dec-15-99, 12:03 PM (CST)

6. "We both have it..."

Hi Orchid:
You said in your last message that "For her protection, if you shed virus from shaft and foreskin area, wear condom. If you are shedding from external site i.e. testscile, wear underwear and condom."
The only problem is I have never had any symptoms!! I did not even know I had it!?! I still do not know for sure I do but it would appier I am infected. I am going to a infectious disese doctor next week.
If I never know how can I be careful? Do I need to wear a rubber from now on? I can re-infect her can I??
thanks

Top

Orchid Dec-15-99, 04:15 PM (CST)

7. "Dave"

I did realize what I was saying and was not sure if I should go back to this thread because sometimes no one reply afterward. Glad you asked me about this.
I suggest you to take tests - Western Blot to make sure what you have. Maybe you don't have anything at all and it is your partner who has it in dormacy for while. Elisa test, from what I learned will tell you how long you have been infected thought rate of detection is not great. But when detected, it will help you to figure out whether you were asypmotically shedding.
Your partner should take tests to see what her results are.
If it apparently to be asympotical transmission on your part, there are options you can decide. It is best to talk with an expert in this area if you both can find one. Options as what I see: Go on daily supressive medicine or wear latex at every time. Or watch out for your immunity's mood when you know you will be least likely to shed virus.
There is no perfect answer to this situation. I am in similar situation for being sympotically free for 6 months of pregnancy and I have about five weeks left. I think this is still a good news because with medicine, I would be least likely to asypmoticlaly shed virus. I'll begin medicine next week and cross my fingers and toes. ;^)
Orchid

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dave	Dec-14-99, 06:38 AM (CST)
"We both have it..."
I started dating this girl (we are both divorsed) and after some time we became intimate. She said she had not been with anyone other than her ex-husband during the last ten years. I have not been with anyone either. We made love a couple of times and within a week or two she had got herpies. I must have given it to her!?! I did not know I had it and have never had any symptoms that I would recognize as herpies. She has flu like symptoms, pain urinating ect... Anyways, to make the long story short, I think we are going to get married and I assume we both have it. Do we still need to take precausions because we both have it? Can we make our own infection any worse? Can we still have oral sex (obviously not during a known outbreak) and should I always wear a condom? Thanks, Dave
	Top

Wombat	Dec-14-99, 10:04 AM (CST)
1. "....."
Hello Dave, My take on it: >I started dating this girl (we are >both divorsed) and after some time >we became intimate. She said she >had not been with anyone other >than her ex-husband during the last >ten years. I have not been >with anyone either. We made love >a couple of times and within >a week or two she had >got herpies. I must have given >it to her!?! That's how it looks on the facts as presented. I did not >know I had it and have >never had any symptoms that I >would recognize as herpies. She has >flu like symptoms, pain urinating ect... Tell her that it will get better. >Anyways, to make the long story >short, I think we are going >to get married and I assume >we both have it. Do we >still need to take precausions because >we both have it? First, keep in mind that perfectly wonderful people can dissemble a bit on the subject of herpes, so there is a chance that you don't have it. Second, even if you both have it and so the chance of reinfection is not high, there is no reason to play with fire. At least avoid sex during and around outbreaks. Can we >make our own infection any worse? As I understand it the likelihood of this, especially if the two of you have the same strain, is close to zero. >Can we still have oral sex >(obviously not during a known outbreak) Yes, in fact I think most people would argue that this is even safer than intercourse. >and should I always wear a >condom? No. Wombat
	Top


	dave	Dec-14-99, 01:08 PM (CST)
	2. "We both have it"
	Would you say it is a good idea for me to get the "pocket" blood test to see which type I have? Is it a problem if I have type one and she has type two? Are they both basically the same thing?
		Top


	Orchid	Dec-14-99, 01:14 PM (CST)
	3. "hsv2 couple"
	If your partner is newly infected with hsv virus, she will need at least 6 months to a year to allow her body to adjust and build defense system i.e. bostering anitbodies against virus. I would take some precaution though having the same strain of virus helps. It is her who would be at somewhat or probably at greater risk of being reloaded with virus while her body is adjusting. For her protection, if you shed virus from shaft and foreskin area, wear condom. If you are shedding from external site i.e. testscile, wear underwear and condom. Be aware of your immunity's "moods". If you feel it is at low point, take precaution or at least avoid contact on sites that shed virus. Your partner will learn her own moods as well and observe how her body reacts to it. Classic profile is outbreak 4 to 6 times a year with episodes of asypmotical shedding - unfortunately - but with medicine like valtrex and famvir, the chance is greatly reduced - the study shows about 95% to 97% of no shedding. In your case, you are one of lucky ones who have good natural defense system but are most at risk of asympotical shedding, that is how your partner got it. I would bet 5% to 3% at that time when there is shedding, the immunity is down, that is when you would feel it at the most and the most likely you don't feel like making love. For oral sex, just be careful and maybe if you want, reserve it for the time when you both feel phsyically at the best. Discuss with your doctor about going on one tablet of valtrex or famvir daily for extra protection. Studies show good safety profile. I myself am at near 9th month of pregnancy and I can take it if I need it. For vaginal delivery - pregnant women take medicine at 34 to 36th week of pregnancy daily to prevent outbreak and shedding. If she has more frequent outbreaks during pregnancy, she can just go on medicine as needed but might want to opt for c-section for safety because asympotical shedding become more likely. If she does not have problem then at near delivery time, she can ask for culture test to make sure there is no virus at presence and during the labor, doctor will use a very strong light to scan for any presence of lesion at sites as specified and if there is none and for me personally, if the labor is not too long or too painful, I will deliver the baby naturally. Researches though recent and by small numbers show very good results. There are more info about this on many sites. People here on forum have their perspectives on precaution so what I am giving is mine from somewhat pretty cautious mentality. Orchid
		Top


	Zena	Dec-14-99, 11:43 PM (CST)
	4. "orchid"
	This is deviating a little bit, but since you brought it up.... I contracted herpes while pregnant,as we all know, the very worst time ever to contract herpes. (can you say stupid) anyway....I still had my son vaginally thanks to an educated OB. So even high risk women can still deliver vaginally, as you mentioned, with cautious monitering. Dave....I also agree that you should see another Dr., one that will give you more info and actually tell you what strain you have. AND, you can never learn too much about herpes, even though I have found some things are contradictory...educating yourself is the best way to deal with this....so, hang in there. It will be ok. You are willing to post here to find out more...so keep up the good work and be strong! Peace~ Zena
		Top


	Orchid	Dec-15-99, 09:07 AM (CST)
	5. "Zena"
	Glad to hear that your case turned out to be one of happy stories. I got a private e-mail saying that first child was vaginally delivered with medicine prior to due date but the second pregnancy was completely different. The mother went on medicine and still had outbreaks before delivery. She had to go for c-section. In general most women still have vaginal delivery with or without medicine though there is no guarnatee that it is risk zero. Your story still reassures me anyway. Smile, Orchid
		Top


	Dave	Dec-15-99, 12:03 PM (CST)
	6. "We both have it..."
	Hi Orchid: You said in your last message that "For her protection, if you shed virus from shaft and foreskin area, wear condom. If you are shedding from external site i.e. testscile, wear underwear and condom." The only problem is I have never had any symptoms!! I did not even know I had it!?! I still do not know for sure I do but it would appier I am infected. I am going to a infectious disese doctor next week. If I never know how can I be careful? Do I need to wear a rubber from now on? I can re-infect her can I?? thanks
		Top


	Orchid	Dec-15-99, 04:15 PM (CST)
	7. "Dave"
	I did realize what I was saying and was not sure if I should go back to this thread because sometimes no one reply afterward. Glad you asked me about this. I suggest you to take tests - Western Blot to make sure what you have. Maybe you don't have anything at all and it is your partner who has it in dormacy for while. Elisa test, from what I learned will tell you how long you have been infected thought rate of detection is not great. But when detected, it will help you to figure out whether you were asypmotically shedding. Your partner should take tests to see what her results are. If it apparently to be asympotical transmission on your part, there are options you can decide. It is best to talk with an expert in this area if you both can find one. Options as what I see: Go on daily supressive medicine or wear latex at every time. Or watch out for your immunity's mood when you know you will be least likely to shed virus. There is no perfect answer to this situation. I am in similar situation for being sympotically free for 6 months of pregnancy and I have about five weeks left. I think this is still a good news because with medicine, I would be least likely to asypmoticlaly shed virus. I'll begin medicine next week and cross my fingers and toes. ;^) Orchid
		Top

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