Big hug to you! Thank you for doing that, it has certainly given me some hope to hang onto. I had been afraid to even begin the process because of the things that I'd heard. I had been counseled by many former military to not disclose the problem, etc, etc. There never seems to be any gray area when it comes to the government. Does the phrase " amenable to treatment" mean that if treatment is successful that they will still take me? I guess I will find out. I think that in the long run trying to be deceptive about it will hurt more than disclosure.
I would hope that I could get in based upon my other merits, and that I have the opportunity to prove myself beyond the fact that I have this condition. If it doesn't happen, I will have to learn to accept it.
As far as how I came to this point in life, I guess you could call it an identity crisis. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be in the military. All of the men in my family came from that background.... for me it just seemed to fit. My father was a Vietnam vet, and I didn't find out that he and my mother did not support my ambitions to join the service until I was 17, and graduating from high school. I needed their parental consent, and I think now that they wanted better for me, but I didn't have the Sat's to get into a good college, and they like a lot of middle class did not have the money.
It was a shock to me then, and created a lot of resentment in me towards them. I could have easily went in at 18, but as I still had this feeling that my parents did not approve of it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, After about 100 units at the local J.C., and a useless A.A. I joined the workaday world, as all of my friends fell into careers, marriages, mortgages etc. I felt left out.
At the age of 25, I finally decided to pursue a life long dream of learning to fly. I made the committment to attend a technical school out of state. It was a huge struggle for me, I worked full time at night and went to school in the daytime. Not any different than many other folks, but as the school was very expensive, I was always running out of money, and that slowed my education greatly. So It took me seven years to make it through a three year program, and as my luck would have it, I graduated roughly a year after Sept 11, 2001. I had designs on becoming an airline pilot, but now the competition for jobs is much more intense, as the airlines struggle. People with my limited experience, are in a tough spot.
I had a big disappointment at my one opportunity last year, just suffice it to say it was a big blow to my confidence, and caused me to rethink the direction I was going in. Add on top of this the unhealthy relationship I became involved in, and my contracting Herpes, and it is easy to see that I have been at a sort of crossroads. I had to return to the crappy job I held while in school... don't let the commercials fool you, behind that stupid yellow smiley face there are some people who are pissed, and not making enough money to support themselves.
So now, here I am... I still have the unanswered questions regarding the military. With September 11th, and the war in Iraq, it has become a much more important issue for me. I think it has become about having pride in myself. I have lacked it for so long, and lacked confidence in myself, because I'm always saying what if? I'm sure there are deeper issues too, but as it is I do not have a carreer per se... I have massive student loan debt.
I told myself that I did not want to say to myself " I should have done that." I'm always being asked what branch of service I was in, I have the look and demeanor I guess, and people are surprised when I tell them I never was in. So contracting Herpes was a huge thing for me, as I sort of feel that I can't do what I want now. At my age the clock is ticking, and I didn't want there to be any other complications for me to do this.
As for my diagnosis with Herpes, I know I'll get yelled at but here is what happened. My ex, had finally told me late in the game that she had Herpes, and two weeks after she cheated on me with her ex, which ended our relationship. I came down with symptoms. She says that she had type 2 GHSV, but when I began to come here, and ask more questions, she told me that her husband got cold sores, and that he was her donor. She was diagnosed before her and I ever became involved.
I went to a local clinic, where I could not get an appointment unitl a week after my first symptoms... two tiny blisters.. that had burst during the night.. so all I had was two little ulcers, and the accompanying flu like feeling, swelling in my throat etc. I also had a large paper cut like sore, and when I finally got to see the nurse practitioner, she told me that I had a yeast infection. She was so confident, she prescribed lotrimin cream for a week, and then I had to return for a check up.
The lotrimin appeared to be working then , no longer did... made it look worse to me, the nurse told me to continue treatment for another week, and if she felt that I had Herpes she would have sent me to another lab to get tested. Blah blah blah. I had a regular std panel done, and everything else came out negative. Even when I told her that my ex had Herpes, she was adamant that I was ok.
Two weeks past, and I was still a mess, I decided not to return to that clinic, and sought out another DR. This guy was a gem too... He was from South America, and macho as all get out. He examined me, and said that there wasn't enough happening to justify a culture. I went to him as his practice offered the Pockit test... which ended coming out negative, he once again told me I had noting to worry about. Mind you this was at about one month since my initial symptoms. I began to believe that I hadn't waited long enough for antibodies to appear, so I played a waiting game. I then sought out another Dr, a few weeks later, and again I was told that there wasn't enough going on to justify tissue culture.. it could be this it could be that, etc etc. In my emotional state, I couldn't force myself to demand the answers I needed. I had no insurance at the time, so this was getting expensive.
At about ten weeks, after my first symptoms I ordered a test from lab one. For IgG antibodies. The results I got should have been encouraging to me but were not. I had posted them here a long time ago, and some people said I was paranoid, and needed physcological help.
HSV-1 IgG antibodies 0.04
HSV-2 IgG antibodies 0.02
According to the test anything below 0.90 is negative, however it also says that Antibodies may not appear until 12 to 16 weeks until after exposure. So One year later that is what I'm left with. I feel that I did not wait long enough for either test to be effective. I took a few rounds of Acyclovir my dad had filled for me, and it improved the outbreaks, but did not clear it completely. As I had posted before... I have sores about 95% of the time. So that is where I am at. Lab one no longer provides testing in my state, and because of my desire to get in the service, I haven't done anything else.
I know that I need to, I would like to get this under control, and begin to get a handle on my emotions. So please do not call me crazy, this isn't some physcosomatic thing my brain cooked up. I get nueralgia, and itching before I have an outbreak, and as I said Acyclovir helped but, I probably need supressive therapy to make a big dent in the problem.
I know this is really long, but I was asked how I came to this point, and that is my story. DG.