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DG
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14 posts
May-20-03, 04:00 PM (CDST)
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"Got the "H" and the damage done..."
 
  
My one year anniversary since getting this is nearly here, I'm not much better off now than at first. I am still having a lot of trouble dealing with it. There are a several reasons for this, mainly because I am thinking of military service, and Herpes pre-entrance, is a disqualifier. This means if I have a medical paper trail, I'm toast... because of this I'm not on meds, by choice, but still hurting because, I'll likely not pass a visual inspection.

Also I fell into a situation recently, that merely drove the dagger deeper into my spirit. You'd think coming here and reading here so often I'd learn something from it all. Well, I attended a wedding, and saw an old female acquaintance there. I'd not seen her in about ten years, and after conversation, drink, and dancing, the sparks were threatening to burn us up. As a teenager I'd had a huge crush on this girl. Stupid me, I was not prepared... and no store nearby to fix the situation. She practicaly had my clothes off before we went to her room. It had been a year since I was with the person who gave me this, and I was really needy, and wanted this so bad. She was probably the most attractive woman that I was now about to sleep with.

I was like a deer in the headlights though, and as my date began to sense something wrong, I kept hearing myself say " we need some protection." With that not panning out, she told me to do other things, but My sadness, and anxiety must have been written all over my face. She began to think it was her, and that I wasn't interested. I told her that wasn't the case at all, and as she prodded me a little more for info, I heard myself saying that I had Herpes, and suffering an outbreak right then.

She was sympathetic, and told me that she was sorry, but of course her passion switch went to the off position. Needless to say I was caved emotionally, We slept in the same bed that night, and her proximity to made me happy, yet sad at the same time. The next day it was very awkward for me, I wasn't the talkative, charming guy that she thought she was taking to bed.

So, with a heavy weight on my heart we said our goodbyes, she had an early flight out, and I guess the fact that she lives out of state is a saving grace in a way as far as my embarrassment, but it isn't likely I'll have that opportunity again, because now I'm different. She thanked me for telling her, I wasn't given that info until late in the game when I got it, and I told because I sincerely care for this person.

I don't know what I would have done had I had protection, A night with her would have done away with all of the demons Ive' been seeing around me, and would have slain the spectre of the spiteful ex. I felt like she was over my shoulder sabotaging me. I guess I also feel that Had I any condoms with me, the opportunity wouldn't have presented itself. I want to correspond with this girl, and explain myself, but I feel like a lame-o. So I'm back to square one, this little episode merely accentuates how lonely I really am at this time, my self esteem is shot, and though physically I deal with it, I'm messed up approaching women even more now, I was always retarded in that area anyway.

I contracted Herpes only after my third sexual experience, I'd had a long period of abstinence before I ended up with the person who gave me this. Along with this and a lot of other things I'm becoming a bitter old man at the age of 32. So, in closing I found my self humming a rhyme about herpes to a Neill Young tune. " Ive' got the Herpes and the damage done,

and I can never be loved by any one.
My sex life is like the setting sun.

DG.


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Her (Guest) May-20-03 1
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Guest May-20-03 2
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Kathy (Guest) May-20-03 3
     RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... DG May-22-03 4
         RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... firewitch May-22-03 5
             RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Alone (Guest) May-22-03 6
                 RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... grrlygirl May-23-03 7
                 RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Ginger (Guest) May-25-03 20
                     RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... lightbeingadmin May-25-03 21
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... Opal May-23-03 8
     RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... firewitch May-23-03 11
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... lumina5 (Guest) May-23-03 9
     Good Post!! Opal May-23-03 10
         RE: Good Post!! DG May-23-03 12
             Antivirals!!! Opal May-23-03 13
             I agree, Letterman rules Janene May-23-03 14
                 RE: I agree, Letterman rules DG May-23-03 15
                     RE: I agree, Letterman rules firewitch May-23-03 16
                         Very Perceptive, as Always... Opal May-23-03 18
                     RE: I agree, Letterman rules Opal May-23-03 17
                         RE: I agree, Letterman rules DG May-24-03 19
                             RE: I agree, Letterman rules Guest May-25-03 22
                                 RE: I agree, Letterman rules DG May-26-03 23
  RE: Got the "H" and the damage done... lightbeingadmin May-26-03 24
  could it be yeast? I_amso May-26-03 25
     No Herpes in the military??? alone (Guest) May-26-03 26
         Just talked to a local recruiter.... msmomadmin May-27-03 27
             RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... DG May-28-03 28
                 RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... firewitch May-28-03 29
                 RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... msmomadmin May-28-03 30
                     RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... DG May-28-03 31
                         RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... msmomadmin May-28-03 32
                             RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... DG Jun-03-03 33
                                 RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... msmomadmin Jun-04-03 34
                                     RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... Dazed (Guest) Jun-04-03 35
                                         RE: Just talked to a local recruiter.... DG Jun-05-03 36

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Her (Guest)
Guest
May-20-03, 05:14 PM (CDST)
 
1. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
   about a year and a half ago I was in such a miserable relationship... and stayed with the man as I felt no one would ever love me like him....

Less than 1 month after I finally had the courage to put my self esteem before him and end it... I ment the most amazing man in the world!!!! He's sexy, smart, kind polite, intriguing.. and HSV positive.... I'm negative.... I did my research and took the plunge...
with smart actions and a lot of communication I remain negative..
love hapens


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Guest
Guest
May-20-03, 06:22 PM (CDST)
 
2. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
   I was under the impression there are anonymous ways of getting antiviral medication. Explore the option and then you can safely pass the visual inspection for the military.
Excuse my ignorance here, but does the military exclude everyone who has cold sores? Arent antivirals used for those too? My husband had an attack of shingles and he took antivirals.
I think you should get in touch with your lady friend and talk, now that your embarrasment has subsided. What you did was very honorable and she should respect and be thankful for that.
She might end up making you feel better about yourself.


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Kathy (Guest)
Guest
May-20-03, 06:48 PM (CDST)
 
3. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
   It's a tough situation, but you did the right thing telling her. Please consider in the future that if you are having an outbreak, a condom is not going to provide total protection. Even if the OB area is covered, condoms are not as effective in preventing the spread of herpes as they are against spreading other things, especially during an active outbreak. In that sense, having things stop before they got too far was maybe a blessing in disguise, although a huge bummer.


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DG
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14 posts
May-22-03, 03:12 PM (CDST)
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4. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #3
 
   LAST EDITED ON May-22-03 AT 03:15 PM (CDST)

Thanks for the input all, I'm really torn over all of this. As I said, even without meds, I deal with it. There is never much pain, but it just looks bad. I took a few rounds of Acyclovir, that my dad had gotten for me for his oral HSV. It really improved the look of things, but the lesions, and fissures never went away completely. That is why I'm so afraid of comitting to the military, any doctor would immediately know what was up.

Ive' had to deal with a lot of other issues in my life and the H is another complication. It is beggining to feel like the proverbial straw breaking this camel's back. The fact that it ruined a potentialy very special evening is merely par for the course. Iv'e had to deal with the fact that my ex who gave me this may have done so intentionally... to either avoid the stress of worrying about it, or to give me a reason to end our relationship. Once that didn't work she cheated on me with her ex husband, who gave her the H in the first place. So that put the final nail in my coffin.

Iv'e tried to pick up the pieces of my life, and coming here has helped, but as Groucho Marx once said " I wouldn't want to be a part of a club that would have me as a member."

It seems to me that there should be a cure for this somewhere, but it becomes a matter of profit margins, and spreadsheets. Since the drug companies don't seem interested, maybe we can get the military to develop technology a la " fantastic voyage" Just shrink a mini sub, and crew, inject them into the bloodstream, and send them to where this virus lives. I'm sure there could be some sort of cold laser, or cytoplasmic net or something to rid us of it. Well, somedays I still have my sense of humor.

As for the other situation, in my embarrassment I neglected to get her number, or address... so I'm sure she thinks I'm a jerk now. As for telling, I have too much concern in my heart for her to put her at risk. It seems all of my romances have sad music at the end of them. I hear Roger Daltry screaming out " love.... reign over me!" As in the scene from Quadrophenia.

I seem to relate to the ending scene more now than I ever did, did he really drive his Vespa off of the cliff, or did he jump off before it went over? DG.


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firewitch
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May-22-03, 05:45 PM (CDST)
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5. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #4
 
   LAST EDITED ON May-22-03 AT 05:46 PM (CDST)

Have you tried lysine? Read Opal's post "HELP"
This really seems to work for a lot of people.

And you can contact her through the wedding couple, did you think of that? Ask them to pass a message to her if they won't give you her address.

"They say love conquers all, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun." --Warren Zevon


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Alone (Guest)
Guest
May-22-03, 10:34 PM (CDST)
 
6. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #5
 
   You just don't know how much I can relate to this. I too have had the most difficult time dealing with this emotionally. It has been over a year and I still cry more often than I know I should. I had a saw someone today who was dianosed in the ER and she was crying. I felt so bad for her I had to leave the room because I almost cried myself. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better, because I know that nothing does. I have been dealing with this all alone, except for coming here. I stayed with my ex (who so called didn't know) because I didn'
t think anyone else would want me. I broke up with him finally, because I decided I would rather be by myself than with someone so dishonest and uncaring. Not to mention he treated me bad, I also found out much later that his ex-wife had it and he knew she had it. No wonder it wasn't such a shock (he took it so calmly) when he found out. In all the times I cried and suffered, he didn't even flinch. I know I am still very angry, not just because he did this to me, but also because he hurt me. I have met someone new and things are going so sweet. I am not going to hide for the rest of my life and become a hermit so I am taking it one day at a time, keeping in mind that it will all end when he finds out the truth...


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grrlygirl
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4 posts
May-23-03, 00:06 AM (CDST)
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7. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #6
 
   LAST EDITED ON May-23-03 AT 00:09 AM (CDST)

LAST EDITED ON May-23-03 AT 00:07 AM (CDST)

Hi Alone!
First of all, about the military thing...Call a recruiter, one not in your imediate area, and ask about your options of getting into the military with herpies. If they can give a waiver to people who have serious fellonies, then surely they can waiver an extreamly common virus!!! If you have to hide it to get in then do it and DON'T TELL THEM at the "moment of truth" time in Basic Training! The military was a terific experience for me. It helped me build my confidence in myself which has also helped me cope with the herpies.
Second, about this girl. You know that you did the right thing--FEEL PROUD!!! IT'S A HARD THING TO DO! As far as the future goes with women, read Rajah's tips for telling a future partner. If you're still not ready for that, I've found that the most interesting singles on the internet are those coping with std's. They are mostly regular folks who get asked out all the time, but have trouble explaining about this disease without the annonymoty of the internet. I go to Positivesingles.com. Check out my profile there if you'd like!


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Ginger (Guest)
Guest
May-25-03, 00:29 AM (CDST)
 
20. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #6
 
   I have met
>someone new and things are
>going so sweet. I
>am not going to hide
>for the rest of my
>life and become a hermit
>so I am taking it
>one day at a time,
>keeping in mind that it
>will all end when he
>finds out the truth...

Hi, I have had herpes for 8 years now... I thought my love life was over, felt so dirty, cried a lot and was terrified of anything that seemed like a symptom. I didn't date for a long time, and then dated people only from herpes dating services for awhile. Over time, and yes, it took time, I have learned that I am not herpes. I have a virus that many many people have. It's annoying, uncomfortable, and inconvenient. So are yeast infections. So is the common cold.

I remember the first time, with terror in my heart, I told a man I cared about I had herpes. After that, we went out for nine months and the relationship ended for reasons that had nothing to do with herpes. Over time, as I have been involved with several men in the last eight years and none of them have reacted with horror and threw me out of their lives (like I pictured , I have begun to really realize that it's just not the end of the world. For a long time I gave a lot of power to my healthy partners--I felt at such a disadvantage in the relationship. I have to remind myself that they are adults, and if they decide to take the risk, they've made the decision without pressure from me. I tell them I have herpes, they do the research (no, I don't bother to get pamphlets, they have computers and if they want to learn more, they can do the research themselves). If they decide that they are willing to take the risk (and so far, all of them have--so don't despair , I do my part by being VERY careful and always err on the side of caution -- and have never given anybody this virus.

Anyway, when you tell him, if you haven't already, keep in your mind that he cares about you, you have a lot to offer, and this is not a tragedy--be light and he will respond to that, be tragic, and he'll respond to that too (believe me, I've been tragic, and I've been light--light is a LOT easier for both). Anyway, I look back at those first suffering years and feel sad that I let herpes control my life and define who I was. And I thank God that I found myself again. That said, I've recently met someone new and yes, I dread having the talk. But if he continues to seem like such a great guy, I'll have that talk, and I'm absolutely confident that he'll deal with it. Good luck to you! Lisa


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lightbeingadmin
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759 posts
May-25-03, 09:05 AM (CDST)
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21. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #20
 

light

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around." Vanilla Sky 2001

light

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." E. M. Forster


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Opal
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74 posts
May-23-03, 00:41 AM (CDST)
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8. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
   Well, I've got bad news and good news:
You can still infect someone while wearing a condom. And you can still infect someone while *not* having an outbreak. I get the impression that you don't know that (although that seems unlikely, since you've been posting here for a month), so I want to remind you of that. It really sucks, but there it is.

Now comes the good news: you did the right thing. You protected your partner, and that proves you are a good man. Good men are extremely rare (am I right, ladies??) so please remember that there are a lot of women out here who won't care that you have a virus which is *not* life-threatening, and against which there is *some* protection.

Get antivirals. This is your first month, so you're having your primary ob; that's always the worst time, full of symptoms and emotional overload. Do *not* suffer needlessly. If you see a dr, your relationship with him/her will be confidential, and patient/doctor confidentiality is sacrosanct. If you can get your symptoms under control, there's no reason you can't pass an inspection, especially if you explain that you are taking whatever antiviral you are taking because you have cold sores. Hell, they probably won't even notice the antivirals in your blood, because they won't be looking for that. But don't let your hopes of joining the military get in the way of taking care of your health. GEt your priorities straight!

More good news: there's a website specifically for people with herpes to meet other people with herpes. While I ultimately met my husband elsewhere, I did meet some *very* nice people at this site, and I think it's right on the home page of *this* website (it's MPwH). Believe me when I tell you that there are a lot of great women there who would kill for a terrific guy like you, and you won't have to worry about infecting anybody. Hell, there are a lot of great women who *don't* have herpes who won't care that you have it. Like I said, good men are so rare.

Last but not least: stop thinking of yourself as damaged goods (which you clearly do). That sense of inferiority will screw you a lot worse than herpes ever will. At that same site, I met men who were so insecure about this stupid little virus that they resented *me* for having it. Like you said: You don't want to belong to a club that would have someone like you for a member. Well, if you don't stop thinking of yourself as unworthy and undeserving, you'll never be able to accept anyone's love, because as soon as you realize she *does* love you, your very self-loathing will cause you to loathe her, too. This virus does not have to end your life unless YOU LET IT.

I've had herpes for 24 years. I met my husband when I was 44. He's 18 years younger than I am, drop-dead gorgeous and making a damn good living, too. On top of all that, he's kind, compassionate, brilliant and yes, he does have herpes, but I can guarantee you he wouldn't have cared if he *hadn't* had it. His values are spot-on: it's what's in a person's heart that counts, and *that's* what makes a good friend, lover and partner. Not some obnoxious sores in an awkward place. Now: if I could find someone like that, old and grey as I am (okay, I dye my hair), a strapping young 32 year old with a heart of gold like you can do just fine...if you let yourself.

Now: get in touch with that wedding couple, and get that woman's phone number, and CALL HER. Even if it's just to say "Sorry I didn't get your number...I was so embarrassed." Even if it's just to give her the chance to ask if you want to see her, again...the worst that can happen is that she *won't* want to, but at least you'll *know*. Otherwise, you'll be letting a great possibility slip from your grasp. I can't imagine that you would want *that*.

HUG


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firewitch
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421 posts
May-23-03, 08:00 AM (CDST)
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11. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #8
 
   >Good men are extremely rare (am I right, ladies??) so please remember that there are a lot of women out here who won't care that you have a virus which is *not* life-threatening, and against which there is *some* protection.
>

you're right, Opal!! Excellent post, ty.

"They say love conquers all, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun." --Warren Zevon


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lumina5 (Guest)
Guest
May-23-03, 02:33 AM (CDST)
 
9. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
   Ya know, I think you're really missing the big-picture here. You told her before anything happened! And I know that there is a big disappointment in no longer having that freedom that you once had. Hell, I feel sad knowing that I'll *never* in my life have it. I transmitted herpes when I was a 20 year old virgin and had saved myself for some time. It was only through oral sex that I actually got it and the person lied to me and told me they had no stds, although it became rather obvious over time that in the past they had gotten huge outbreaks on their face. It tore me apart and it still does to this day. It hurts just as *much* to know this person did not care a thing about my health or well-being. He went ahead and took a 'risk' and didn't mind if I got herpes. When it came right down to it, he thought about himself before he thought about me. And I thought this man *loved* me. Well, you weren't even in love with this woman, probably would have never seen her again, and still had the morals and the values to tell her. You had the guts to do the absolute right and just thing in this situation. And you deserve to really give yourself a lot of credit for that. It's not easy to tell and I'm sure it's especially difficult in a situation like yours, but you did it.

I would absolutely call this woman and talk to her. Tell her about how you are feeling and let her know that you find her attractive, maybe have even had that crush on her for some time now. I'm sure she'd be extremely flattered. Hell, she slept in the same bed with you. That in and of itself is a very intimate thing for a woman to do with a man. It shows that she had an attraction for you. I can't say that if I didn't have herpes and someone told me during a near one-night stand that I would sleep with them. Would you? It just doesn't seem logical. Well, I wouldn't have a one-night stand in the first place because it's dangerous as it is and I certainly *know* the risks now. But, even before, I wouldn't have done that. Especially if someone said they were having an outbreak right then. That's just too much of a risk. I have heard of a few that have gotten herpes through one-night stand encounters after being *told* that the other person had herpes. But, I'm sure it's pretty rare. You also have to see this from her side.

And YES, you will find someone who will want to be with you, herpes or no herpes. Maybe not when it comes to a one-night stand, but imagine the risk that you put yourself at if you want to do that. HPV is more wide-spread than herpes and since 25% of the population has herpes, your chances of getting *another* std from someone else are pretty high. Anyone takes a risk when they have sex. The only safe sex is NO sex.

You really are having a conflict with yourself over having herpes. It's extremely difficult for me. Everyday I have to have a sort of 'talk' with myself. Hell YES, I am more than a virus. I am more than my other problems too. I have a million and one other things going for me. Sure, herpes is absolutely no fun to have. And I don't look forward to the day when I'll have to tell a future partner and let them decide for themselves whether they would like to be in a relationship with me or not. But, I honestly feel that if someone cares for you, it just won't matter. If they care enough to the point where they want something long-lasting, it's not going to be a big issue. Sure, it's always going to be there, but you cope with it like you do everything else. Life is a risk, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Who knows? When you find an inner peace and see yourself for all the good qualities that you have, you'll be more than ready to find someone else who can admire those. You've already got one huge thing up on many of people and that's a good strong moral base. So, hang in there and don't beat yourself over the head with this constantly. Go out and do something productive and fun, have a good time. Herpes does not own you, it's simply a tiny little part of you.

Good luck!


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Opal
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74 posts
May-23-03, 02:51 AM (CDST)
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10. "Good Post!!"
In response to message #9
 
   I especially like the point you made aboutthis woman styaing and sleeping the night with Sir Galahad (and I'm *not* being sarcastic; that was a gallant thing to do, to tell her when he could easily have *not*, to protect her that way!); it makes a clear statement about her interest in him, her kind feelings towards him and her high regard for him. He should call her.

Then, he should get some pals together and go out and see "X2" or "Matrix Reloaded" and have a ton of popcorn and some good laughs. Sitting around and being bummed really sucks. I'm not saying this virus isn't a major drag (read my post entitled "HELP!!" I *know* it's bad, and, in my case, it's a constant challenge to my health)...but I insist upon having a life. We've all got to do that. Otherwise, we have nothing but our herpes. Screw that.

Life is full of surprises, and some of them are very unpleasent. To me, this is a detour, not a dead end. Don't let it be a dead end for you, Sir Galahad! You're one righteous dude!

HUG


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DG
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14 posts
May-23-03, 06:16 PM (CDST)
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12. "RE: Good Post!!"
In response to message #10
 
   Thanks for all of the kind words, I still fight coming to terms with this. I think really because it means accepting this for life, and all of the relationship complications associated with it. I mean it is a disease, and although it wont kill you we are meant to loathe it, and also fear it.

I was probably pretty typical growing up, used to laugh whenever I heard the word. It always made a stir in the classroom. I'd never knew anyone who had it. Other than people who'd get a few " cold sores" but it was like they got them as kids, likely from kissing someone who was infected. This is how my parents got theirs, and it never was made to be a big deal.

Of course now I feel deply the stigma of the genital version of the virus. I hate Jay Leno for continuously pandering to his audience with the constant Herpes jokes. It seems to me he is just fueling the fear in the uniformed. He sucks, Letterman is the true Late night king.

I am the only one in my peer group who has this, and I feel it makes me a pariah of sorts, I know that I'm letting it kill me emotionally. Whenever people ask me how I am, I know that I'm lying when I say I'm fine. I never seem to forget that my penis always looks like a pier piling with barnacles on it, it took me forever to be finally able to get an erection, my last date with Rosie Palmer left me bloody. So another reason why my failed evening hurts me even more.

I have been taking lysine, and using other supplements for overall health. I just can't figure out why the outbreaks have not subsided. It is like Ive' had this for a year, and the skin has been broken out for 95% of that time period.

As for my ladyfriend, when the wedding couple returns from their honeymoon, I will get her adress, and contact her. I'm going to be scared shitless, and it will be akward as hell. It feels like a knife in my guts not being able to explain myself about what happened... I want to tell her that when I saw her come into the room my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, and all of the other emotions that I felt as the heat began to build. I want to tell her that I had to protect her in a way that I wasn't....my own ignorance contributed to me getting this. I'm afraid that as she has seemingly dodged a bullet, that she will not consciously risk being with me, no matter how gallant I appear. I keep seeing the look on her face, when I told, and remembering my heart feel like it stopped.

My demeanor in the morning didn't help, and I left it all unsaid, out of fear. DG.



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Opal
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May-23-03, 07:13 PM (CDST)
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13. "Antivirals!!!"
In response to message #12
 
   There's absolutely no reason you should have this ob for so long and not get it treated, *period*. The longer you have it, the more the virus can spread around your own body, and there's no reason for that, DG. Get treatment. You can't imagine how much better you will feel about yourself and this whole virus if you do. You *must* put your health first.

*PLEASE*.

HUG


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Janene
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May-23-03, 09:44 PM (CDST)
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14. "I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #12
 
   Hi DG.

I'm glad you're going to reconnect with your lady friend. You have to think about this from her perspective before you beat yourself up and think she wants nothing to do with you. It can be very hard to deal with hearing "I have herpes" from a partner. It is especially difficult to process this news when you are naked. Many people will need to think about it, research it, talk it over. When my husband told me on our first date seven years ago, I was a little freaked out, but I was crazy over him. I took a few days, did some reading and decided he was worth it. So I think that the way she reacted just says that she is a rational human.

You know, I was just typing this to someone earlier, everyone has baggage that they bring to a relationship. Some people have been married before, some have kids, some have served time in prison, some have financial problems, some are recovering from substance abuse...anyhow, I kind of think of herpes as being one of those situations. Some people are okay with people's past mistakes and some people aren't, just like some people are okay with herpes and some aren't. I never blame people for not being okay with it, if it's not something they're willing to risk, that's okay. It takes a very special person to love all of you, your herpes included. My husband was that way...and you know, I did end up with it, and it's not that big of a deal to me anymore. Anyhow, someone mentioned antivirals. You may want to consider suppressive therapy. If I were dating, I think it would be a selling point...the FDA recently approved the use of it for preventing transmission (by cutting the asymptomatic shedding rate).

Jay Leno is a dick. I would love to travel to LA to kick his ass. He does nothing but contribute to the stigma associated with herpes. Letterman ROCKS.

Hang in there man. Let us know what happens with your girl.

Cheers~
Janene


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DG
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May-23-03, 11:07 PM (CDST)
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15. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #14
 
   Yeah, I wouldn't have far to drive to put a beating on him, but then again I'd heard something that may or may not be true. Thanks to Howard Stearn, and his recent interview with Sandra Bernhard, who has admitted to having Herpes. She and Ol' Jay were apparently an item, during his early years on the comedy circuit. According to Sandra, he was a bit kinky, and into the handcuffs. I'd love to see a skit reenacting that one!

So, a hypothesis really, are the jokes a way for him to cope? Don't know, they always seem mean spirited. Maybe somebody else heard that one too.

I'm going to see a doctor, and explain my situation, maybe he/she could do something so the military won't exclude me. I had to ask myself, if I could take a pill daily to keep this from manifesting itself, would I? Of course, but the problem is that the virus is never truly gone. I think that is what bothers me a lot, that along with the fear that it could spoil love for me.

My relationship history reads like some dark comedy, the girl that I actually received my first kiss from after high school, and pursued to no avail actually came out of the closet. I had to laugh. I wasted another several years chasing after, a strict Christian girl, who despite being scandalously flirtatious, was truly frigid. Then the girl that I got this virus from was truly white trash, I just wouldn't admit it because my needs were being taken care of, and I thought that she was different than she turned out to be. So sometimes it just gets to me, and "nobody knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes." DG


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firewitch
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May-23-03, 11:24 PM (CDST)
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16. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #15
 
   Funny as it may seem DG, I was driving around today thinking about you and your rock lyric quotes. Does it occur to you that one of the reason these songs are so enduring is that a LOT of people DO know what it's like "to be the bad man, to be the sad man...."?

And yeah, I think your hunch about Leno may be the truth. Comedy is a way of coping with personal issues, any comedian can tell you that. But I have heard from many quarters that Jay is VERY happily married and has been for decades. Close ties? LOL!

Maybe he feels that making jokes about it will actually make people laugh because it will hit close to home....maybe he knows the statistics.

"They say love conquers all, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun." --Warren Zevon


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Opal
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May-23-03, 11:42 PM (CDST)
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18. "Very Perceptive, as Always..."
In response to message #16
 
   ..yeah, I bet he has it. And yeah: those songs are popular and loved because so many people do know how it feels, especially musicians!!

Leno and his wife (Mavis) have been together for at least 20 years, but that doesn't mean he wasn't kinky with Sandra Bernhardt before he met his wife. And btw...pretty interesting that she came out about having it, isn't it? I have new respect for her.

HUG


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Opal
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May-23-03, 11:39 PM (CDST)
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17. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #15
 
   Well, as far as Letterman is concerned, I was pretty miffed at him, because he took ever oportunity to trash Dr. Phil, whom I adore, and was *extremely* mean-spirited about him...but when Dr. Phil appeared on the Letterman show, the whole relationship turned right around. Letterman turned out to be a good sport, and now, when he does his little "Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom", I fall down laughing. It's just good-natured ribbing, now. And yes, I think there's a good chance Leno makes all those herpes jokes because he *has* it. Hey, who *doesn't*??? One thing's for sure: Letterman is more clever, and I can understand why many people prefer him. I do, at this point. But Leno's no slouch. As for smacking him around: it'd be redundant, wouldn't it? He's stuck with that chin. That's punishment enough. Besides, I've heard some amazingly good stories of what a decent, kind and supportive person he actually is. So I can let the stupid herpes comments slide. I'm almost just as happy to have it mentioned as the trivial annoyance it usually is.

Now: about letting this virus destroy your love-life: you've already let it do that, because you have let it make you hate yourself. If you don't love you, you're screwed. At the risk of getting maudlin here: learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. It's true. Now you have to ask yourself:
What kind of person am I?
Am I a good friend?
Would I get up in the middle of the night to help a buddy in need?
Do I have a kind heart?
Do I try to treat others as I would like to be treated myself??
Would I kick a stray dog in the face?
Would I mug and old lady?
Stuff like that. *That's* what really matters, not what nasty little life-form has decided to take up residence in your central nervous system. Did you ask for it? Would you knowingly pass it on to some poor unsuspecting slob? I think the answer to that is very clear.
And ask yourself this:
If I had leukemia, would I hate myself for *that*?
If I were blind? If I had cancer? If I had a bad cold??? OF COURSE NOT. It's because this is a *sexually* transmitted disease that you keep beating yourself up about it, and you have to realize once and for all that it doesn't matter how you got it or what part of you it affects; it's a *virus*. Not a value-judgement. If you had mono, you'd be very careful not to pass it along, but you wouldn't think less of yourself as a human being for having it, would you? It's the permanent nature of this that you are struggling with, but blindness is permanent, too. You would *not* think you were a lousy person for being blind. Well...I'm beating this to death....
My point is: if you go on suppression, and the symptoms abate, you'll be very surprised at how differently you'll see this. You're right: it'll be there, waiting in the wings for the curtain to come up, but if it never comes up, you'll forget it's there, and yes, it'll get in the way of some of the relationships you may want to have, but (and here's the irony) the best and most worthy people won't care about it. Sure, some good women will think twice, and some may even say "no thanks; if I catch this, it's permanent", and they won't be bad people for saying that. But nobody who is really a good person will look down on you for having it, and anyone who really wants to be with you will take the risk, with all due precautions. I'm not saying "lucky you; you have herpes and you'll always know who is really in love with you because of it"; that'd be nuts. I don't want to have this; nobody does. But in some ways, believe it or not, it's been a good thing for me. I'd never have met the totally excellent husband I have now if I didn't also have the H bomb. Despite all the health issues I have because of it (and believe me: it makes my life a lot harder!), if not having herpes meant not having my hubs, I'd get it all over again.

Take this a little at a time, DG. Get to a dr and find out what your treatment options are. When your symptoms are under control, you'll have a different perspective, I promise you. And think about those questions. They're really important. Go visit yourself. You may be very pleased and surprised at what you find.

HUG


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DG
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May-24-03, 04:22 PM (CDST)
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19. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #17
 
   I must say that all of you are making me feel loads better, I think I may have even managed a laugh or two, thinking about Dave, and Leno. Yeah in a way I sort of feel sorry for him, he (jay) couldn't even hold Johnny's jock strap! Also, let's not foget about the irritating, mincy, mumble he slips into during his monologue. Speaking of rock quotes, I just figured out that you can substitute the phrase " Herpean girl" for
" Cinnimon girl" in that great tune. I was laughing my ass off! My apologies to Mr.Young.I always used to tell my friends that I could take an existing song, and create lyrics to suit the moment, or situation.

I do need to get some perspective, I know that there is a lot more pain that people go through on a daily basis. I think maybe I was feeling uber emotional because of the wedding thing etc, Peaks and valleys you know? Even though the weather isn't stellar I think I'll take a drive up " Ventura Highway "....
" I don't care about pollution, I'm an air conditioned gypsy, That's my solution, watch the police and the taxman miss me.. "I'm mobile!"

Once again, thank you to all who took time to write. I really appreciate it,. Sincerely DG.


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Guest
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May-25-03, 09:14 AM (CDST)
 
22. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #19
 
   Hi, My advice is to choose medical treatment over the military. While I admire your desire to serve I think your health should come first. Also I think 32 may be the cut off for new recruits so it may be too late anyhow. A friend of mine got herpes while in the military and they made his life miserable. Once his CO found out he had it, he constantly made him the butt of jokes in front of his group. He actually got a discharge over it.
The symptoms you describe seem severe and I feel would make for a great case for supression.
As far as the girl goes, you did the absolute right thing. You may feel bad and disappointed but think how much worse you would feel if you had gone through with it.
My two cents, go to the Drs, get it under contriol, feel better about yourself, then call the girl. Who knows you could be posting under success stories your wedding next year.


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DG
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May-26-03, 00:17 AM (CDST)
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23. "RE: I agree, Letterman rules"
In response to message #22
 
   Hi guest, Actually Ive' done a lot of research as to the medical requirements to get into the service. Thirty five is the true age cutoff mandated by congress. Anyone over the age of 25 must get a medical waiver... Basically be able to pass all of the physical, and fitness requirements. I have been on an intense training regimen since I had this idea to do this. I already know that I can pass the P.T. test required. The roadblock is this damn Herpes. It is ok to acquire it once you are in uniform, but unacceptable if you have it before joining.

In order for me to make this happen, I will need to hoodwink the government... I'm not 100% comfortable with that, also those who suffer Oral HSV1, are not excluded, only the sad folks like myself who suffer genitally. Hence, my dilemma, I did not want to have all my diagnosis, and treatment history for this in my records, as I need to provide full disclosure to get in.

This is totally unfair in my view, and is part of the reason why I'm so upset over all of this. Perhaps I'm not the first guy to attempt this, but it feels like the odds are stacked against me due to this virus.
I do need to get it under control, I'm tired of the physical suffering, and mainly the emotional pain this has caused me.

There is a laundry list of ailments that a waiver can be obtained for but genital Herpes isn't one of them. The military's medical organisation, is known as M.E.P.S. Which stands for medical, evaluation, and physical standards. The document is about 900 pages long... and herpes genitalis is listed in the section entitled " Disqualifying conditions, pre-existing".

So I have been biding my time to build up the courage, and see a doctor who can help with my predicament. the only way to pass a visual inspection is to tell a little white lie, and be on meds, so no symptoms are manifested.

As for the aborted evening.... I was, are, am disappointed that it didn't happen, I think more because I just had to relive the feelings when I contracted this crap, and how it has stolen something from me. There was no way that I wasn't going to tell her, I care about her too much, and refused to put her at risk, as my donor partner put me, before I found out about it.

So that's the deal for now, I don't know if I will have a chance to see my ladyfriend again, I'm hoping that I will hear from her soon, and that I do not have to wait another ten years to see her. DG.


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lightbeingadmin
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May-26-03, 10:08 AM (CDST)
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24. "RE: Got the "H" and the damage done..."
In response to message #0
 
Hi DG,

May I ask some questions? Forgive me if they have been asked before.

How were you diagnosed with HSV? If you were diagnosed by a doctor last year wouldn't there be a paper trail already? I think that that is truly crappy about the military. Excluding people with genital herpes but not oral! What is up with that?! Someone needs to take that on and bring the military up to date about the details of HSV.

After following your thread I have to say that I am really concerned for you. You say that you have been on a training regime and that you have had almost constant symptoms for a year. DG...that says to me that there could be something wrong that you really need to seek medical attention for. What you are experiencing may not be herpes and if it is your immune system may be compromised by something else. I agree that you really should put your health before the military.

Regarding the woman...you did do the right thing. One thing that has helped me a lot through the years is to not put myself in a situation that could get really sexually hot when I am having an OB. I had this tact of thinking asexually when I was symptomatic and still do to a degree. Kinda hard when you have symptoms 95% of the time like you have described but when you get your symptoms under control you may want to think about it. Just less of a set up for yourself.

Why has joining the military become such a big thing for you? It is great that you want to serve your country. My husband served before I met him. Is there anything else that you want to do with your life? If I were in your shoes I would probably be rethinking my life stratedgy. You need some success which means that you have to stop setting yourself up for failure if you know what I mean.

Hang in there, OK. Let us know what happens.

light

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around." Vanilla Sky 2001

light

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." E. M. Forster


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I_amso
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May-26-03, 11:52 AM (CDST)
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25. "could it be yeast?"
In response to message #0
 
   Hi, DG, I'm just wondering if it's possible you have a yeast infection that is mimicking herpes symptoms, or is keeping your herpes aggravated...? You might try some yeast cream like what comes with Monistat 7. You could also try a steroid cream--some types of yeast only respond to steroid. If it's herpes alone, the steroid will appear to make it better, but then make it worse I think.

I think other people have tried tea-tree oil for genital herpes, although I don't know if you rub it or drink it... Sounds to me like you need medical help, but I understand you not wanting it to mess up your future career. Good luck with it! And, maybe you should get your appointment set up right away, so one way or the other the issue will be decided once and for all.


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alone (Guest)
Guest
May-26-03, 03:52 PM (CDST)
 
26. "No Herpes in the military???"
In response to message #25
 
   I find that hard to believe. My infector was in the military and it sure didn't stop him. I don't see it stopping others either. Being in the medical field, especially in the ER, I see all kinds of military (and their wives) be treated for numerous STD's including Herpes. I know they don't test you for it, or my ex would have been kicked out. They test regularly for HIV, only because military in battle may need to transfuse on the battlefield. From what I understand, they don't test blood for herpes when you donate at the red cross. I did find out that a clinic nearby who is paying $5000 for women to donate their egg's will test blood for H antibodies and will not accept if you have type 2, although type 1 is ok. I wish I could figure that one out.


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msmomadmin
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May-27-03, 01:25 PM (CDST)
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27. "Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #26
 
   LAST EDITED ON May-28-03 AT 04:16 PM (CDST)

...and he tells me that a diagnosis of genital herpes is NOT necessarily a disqualifying condition for military service.

What the medical standard SAYS is this:


The causes for rejection for appointment, enlistment and induction are:

....


2-14a (11) "Vulvar or vaginal ulceration (616.5), including herpes genitalia (054.111) and condyloma acurninatum (079.11), acute or chronic, not amenable to treatment. Such treatment must be given and demostrated effective prior to accession."

...

2-14b (7) "Penile infectious lesions (616.5), such as herpes genitalia (054.111) and condyloma acurninatum (079.11), acute or chronic, not amenable to treatment. Such treatment must be given and demostrated effective prior to accession."

According to the recruiter I talked to, what this *means* is, they won't enlist you in the middle of an outbreak.

If they detect an outbreak during your phyiscal, they will encourage you to get treatment and review your physical fitness once that's done. If you tell them about your herpes on your application, they will ask you to sign a medical release form and pass your info on to their medical staff for approval. Herpes by itself shouldn't cause the medics to nix your enlistment, although complications such as herpes encephalitis or Bell's palsy (both more commonly associated with oral herpes) might. He stressed that this medical review isn't a real big deal, that the same thing would happen if you'd had orthoscopic surgery on your knee or if you had acne bad enough to require prescription drugs to control it.

I don't swear that no one with herpes will ever have trouble getting into the military, but it doesn't look like exclusion is the intent of the standard.

MM


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DG
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May-28-03, 03:24 PM (CDST)
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28. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #27
 
   Big hug to you! Thank you for doing that, it has certainly given me some hope to hang onto. I had been afraid to even begin the process because of the things that I'd heard. I had been counseled by many former military to not disclose the problem, etc, etc. There never seems to be any gray area when it comes to the government. Does the phrase " amenable to treatment" mean that if treatment is successful that they will still take me? I guess I will find out. I think that in the long run trying to be deceptive about it will hurt more than disclosure.

I would hope that I could get in based upon my other merits, and that I have the opportunity to prove myself beyond the fact that I have this condition. If it doesn't happen, I will have to learn to accept it.

As far as how I came to this point in life, I guess you could call it an identity crisis. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be in the military. All of the men in my family came from that background.... for me it just seemed to fit. My father was a Vietnam vet, and I didn't find out that he and my mother did not support my ambitions to join the service until I was 17, and graduating from high school. I needed their parental consent, and I think now that they wanted better for me, but I didn't have the Sat's to get into a good college, and they like a lot of middle class did not have the money.

It was a shock to me then, and created a lot of resentment in me towards them. I could have easily went in at 18, but as I still had this feeling that my parents did not approve of it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, After about 100 units at the local J.C., and a useless A.A. I joined the workaday world, as all of my friends fell into careers, marriages, mortgages etc. I felt left out.

At the age of 25, I finally decided to pursue a life long dream of learning to fly. I made the committment to attend a technical school out of state. It was a huge struggle for me, I worked full time at night and went to school in the daytime. Not any different than many other folks, but as the school was very expensive, I was always running out of money, and that slowed my education greatly. So It took me seven years to make it through a three year program, and as my luck would have it, I graduated roughly a year after Sept 11, 2001. I had designs on becoming an airline pilot, but now the competition for jobs is much more intense, as the airlines struggle. People with my limited experience, are in a tough spot.

I had a big disappointment at my one opportunity last year, just suffice it to say it was a big blow to my confidence, and caused me to rethink the direction I was going in. Add on top of this the unhealthy relationship I became involved in, and my contracting Herpes, and it is easy to see that I have been at a sort of crossroads. I had to return to the crappy job I held while in school... don't let the commercials fool you, behind that stupid yellow smiley face there are some people who are pissed, and not making enough money to support themselves.

So now, here I am... I still have the unanswered questions regarding the military. With September 11th, and the war in Iraq, it has become a much more important issue for me. I think it has become about having pride in myself. I have lacked it for so long, and lacked confidence in myself, because I'm always saying what if? I'm sure there are deeper issues too, but as it is I do not have a carreer per se... I have massive student loan debt.
I told myself that I did not want to say to myself " I should have done that." I'm always being asked what branch of service I was in, I have the look and demeanor I guess, and people are surprised when I tell them I never was in. So contracting Herpes was a huge thing for me, as I sort of feel that I can't do what I want now. At my age the clock is ticking, and I didn't want there to be any other complications for me to do this.

As for my diagnosis with Herpes, I know I'll get yelled at but here is what happened. My ex, had finally told me late in the game that she had Herpes, and two weeks after she cheated on me with her ex, which ended our relationship. I came down with symptoms. She says that she had type 2 GHSV, but when I began to come here, and ask more questions, she told me that her husband got cold sores, and that he was her donor. She was diagnosed before her and I ever became involved.

I went to a local clinic, where I could not get an appointment unitl a week after my first symptoms... two tiny blisters.. that had burst during the night.. so all I had was two little ulcers, and the accompanying flu like feeling, swelling in my throat etc. I also had a large paper cut like sore, and when I finally got to see the nurse practitioner, she told me that I had a yeast infection. She was so confident, she prescribed lotrimin cream for a week, and then I had to return for a check up.

The lotrimin appeared to be working then , no longer did... made it look worse to me, the nurse told me to continue treatment for another week, and if she felt that I had Herpes she would have sent me to another lab to get tested. Blah blah blah. I had a regular std panel done, and everything else came out negative. Even when I told her that my ex had Herpes, she was adamant that I was ok.

Two weeks past, and I was still a mess, I decided not to return to that clinic, and sought out another DR. This guy was a gem too... He was from South America, and macho as all get out. He examined me, and said that there wasn't enough happening to justify a culture. I went to him as his practice offered the Pockit test... which ended coming out negative, he once again told me I had noting to worry about. Mind you this was at about one month since my initial symptoms. I began to believe that I hadn't waited long enough for antibodies to appear, so I played a waiting game. I then sought out another Dr, a few weeks later, and again I was told that there wasn't enough going on to justify tissue culture.. it could be this it could be that, etc etc. In my emotional state, I couldn't force myself to demand the answers I needed. I had no insurance at the time, so this was getting expensive.

At about ten weeks, after my first symptoms I ordered a test from lab one. For IgG antibodies. The results I got should have been encouraging to me but were not. I had posted them here a long time ago, and some people said I was paranoid, and needed physcological help.
HSV-1 IgG antibodies 0.04
HSV-2 IgG antibodies 0.02
According to the test anything below 0.90 is negative, however it also says that Antibodies may not appear until 12 to 16 weeks until after exposure. So One year later that is what I'm left with. I feel that I did not wait long enough for either test to be effective. I took a few rounds of Acyclovir my dad had filled for me, and it improved the outbreaks, but did not clear it completely. As I had posted before... I have sores about 95% of the time. So that is where I am at. Lab one no longer provides testing in my state, and because of my desire to get in the service, I haven't done anything else.

I know that I need to, I would like to get this under control, and begin to get a handle on my emotions. So please do not call me crazy, this isn't some physcosomatic thing my brain cooked up. I get nueralgia, and itching before I have an outbreak, and as I said Acyclovir helped but, I probably need supressive therapy to make a big dent in the problem.

I know this is really long, but I was asked how I came to this point, and that is my story. DG.


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firewitch
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421 posts
May-28-03, 03:38 PM (CDST)
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29. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #28
 
   Okay okay, I promise not to yell at you....but.....

As others have suggested the persistence of your "outbreaks" indicates that there might be something going on besides herpes. Add in that you have no positive blood test. And since your 3rd doctor said "it might be this, that, etc" and you didn't have enough money to pursue it......I am thinking that you are making a big assumption that this is herpes instead of the "this, that, or other".

I know what it is like to have no insurance and no money, it is really hard to get a good diagnosis. But you seem to be in considerable physical discomfort, I hope you can find a way to get this taken care of somehow.

"They say love conquers all, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun." --Warren Zevon


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msmomadmin
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May-28-03, 04:14 PM (CDST)
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30. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #28
 
   Hey, DG!

Big hugs for you on following your dream.

Here's what I think about the military: I don't think you should disclose that you have herpes, because YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU DO. They will ask you on the evaluation whether you have any STD's and if you want to be scrupulous about it, you could say "I thought I had herpes, but I tested negative", but I really don't think you need to say anything. You don't have a prexisting diagnosis to share - no medical professional has told you that you have herpes.

When you take the physical, if you have obvious lesions, they will ask you about them. You can tell them that you aren't sure what they are, that you've had an STD panel and have come up negative for everything. They may ask you to sign a medical info waiver to see those results, or they may do their own testing, but that's up to them.

What I'm saying is, let THEM decide if your symptoms are enough to make an issue of. If they want to pursue it, they will, and then if you DO test positive for herpes you can take some acyclovir and make it go away, and that should be enough.

I did ask the recruiter whether testing positive for herpes make any difference to whether you would qualify and his answer was something like this:

We are interested in people's physical health - whether they will be able to do the job and whether we will be able to keep them healthy within the confines of our medical capabilities. Beyond that, we don't really care about STD's - we worry about felony convictions and things like that, but getting a genital disease doesn't mean anything more than a lack of judgement, and if we disqualified people for that, there wouldn't be anybody in the military. (I thought THAT was kind of funny! )

By the way, he thanked me for calling to find out, and kind of vented about some misunderstandings people have about military enlistment. He said that people lie all the time about having been to a counselor or under psychological care because they think that will disqualify them. He said that they understand about people going to counseling when their parents break up, or when they are having difficulty at school, or a hard time with puberty. They ask about counseling so that they can follow up to make sure that there aren't any serious psychological disorders that would make people unfit for military service. He says that LOTS of kids don't disclose simple school counseling and the like, and then they get scared and 'fess up at the "moment of truth", which is way worse on them that just telling up front.

Best of luck,
MM


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DG
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May-28-03, 06:23 PM (CDST)
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31. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #30
 
   Well, now I'm sort of wondering what to do. I do have some health insurance now. And I want to get some closure on this for better or for worse. If I see a Dr. now, what should I ask for? Should I try to get the western blot? If not that what would be better suited for the situation? If it ends up being Herpes, and I can get it under control, maybe it won't make a difference as far as the military is concerned.

At one point I thought about playing stupid, and just telling them that I thought it was just jock itch. Either way I need to know what is going on with me. I have really been suffering, both physically, and emotionally. I just want some relief now.

There hasn't been a post from " Ohiostate " in a while, she was the ROTC grad who was awaiting a commission, but worried about her Herpes keeping her out of the service. She probably made it in... and is off to basic, where communication with the
" outside world " is limited. I'm curious to see what happened with her.

I know that there are people who may think I'm overreacting here, but it doesn't take much of a leap in logic for me to feel that I contracted Herpes. Girlfriend had it, and there was a few times where I had been made raw by the protection used
( pathway for infection), then the timeline, and the symptoms all made sense to me, and as it affects everyone differently. I wasn't able to really compare myself to others. One Dr. said that it didn't look like a classic case, the nurse had even told me that Herpes did not cause the the papercut like fissures in my skin! And all I was left with was the feeling that since I wasn't getting attention during an outbreak, that the amount of time I waited for the blood test wasn't long enough... also I was reminded here many times that false negatives are highly probable.

I guess that is why I haven't done anything since. It should be more than adequate now to determine if I do have it. I guess if I do get a confirmed diagnosis, that when I eventually go and sit with the recruiter.. I will have to have a " man to man" off the record, and see what happens. Either way, by the end of the summer I want to be doing something else, and in control of my life again. DG.


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msmomadmin
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May-28-03, 08:43 PM (CDST)
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32. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #31
 
   Hey, DG.

If you have insurance now, you may want to see a doctor, but I'll warn you: not all doctors are willing to test for herpes if you don't have pretty extreme symptoms, in part because not all insurance will always cover it.

In your situation, I would want either a Western Blot or a new Focus ELISA to check for both hsv-1 and hsv-2 and really put paid to the question. WB is more reliable, but I'll just about guarantee that insurance won't cover it - it's considered a research tool, not a standard diagnostic.

Maybe your best course would be to see a doc, show him your symptoms, tell him of your suspicions and ask him to help you figure out what's going on with your willie. You may have to coach him on options for diagnosing herpes - that seems to happen a lot, but if he's cooperative and willing to work with you to get as much information with as much insurance coverage as possible, you may get somewhere. If you don't get the feeling that he wiil work with you, find another doc. In a case like this, you need a partner, not a doc under a rock.

Best of luck to you!

MM


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DG
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Jun-03-03, 09:28 PM (CDST)
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33. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #32
 
   Thanks, MM. I am going to get myself into the DR. this month, I am going to attempt to get the Western Blot. I am going to take a print out from the testing phase to the doc, and just show all my cards so to speak.

As I said earlier, I also am going to conquer my fear, and get into a serious discussion with a recruiter, regardless of my test results. I guess the ongoing struggle for me, will to get a handle on my emotions regarding this. It has really emphasized the gravity of the other difficulties I have been experiencing over the past year.

However, I have felt very alone, and even more anti - social because of this.... but I'm now just another one of some estimated 50 million people who have this. The difficulty arises in the manner that I got this, the betrayal, and vindictiveness, etc. It certainly doesn't help my self esteem when you go back and read the recent experience that this virus stole from me... It was as if my desirability to the opposite sex was about to be re-validated, and then wasn't.

So those are my thoughts for now, Thanks, Dg.


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msmomadmin
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Jun-04-03, 04:22 AM (CDST)
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34. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #33
 
   DG,

I've gotta tell you....I think you may be reading your ladyfriend all wrong. Even *before* I knew anything about herpes, a man who woulf forgo sex for my protection and sleep sweetly beside me instead would have been a HUGE turnon. If I were her, I'd be hoping you'd contact me again.

MM


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Dazed (Guest)
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Jun-04-03, 09:48 AM (CDST)
 
35. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #34
 
   DG...who are you? Your posts are stirring a lot in me. I completely hear where you are coming from.

I usually only go to this forum when things are not going so great with my H situation. I've been fine the past couple of months and now I have an appt. at a STD clinic next Tuesday to verify if I have HPV which I had 6 years ago! I feel like I am always going to the Doctor's.

I take Valtrex for suppression, and I've tried variuos things that have been suggested here - and not all work.

As for sex, I can't bring myself to it. I'm 32 and I feel like I'm missing out and missed out on a lot in my 20's. I've been married for almost 9 years so I married young. Apparently my partner before I got married is the asshole who gave me H. Now I don't mean to sound like I'm stereotyping, but I avoided sex in high school and university b/c I thought the more partners you had, the more likely of an STD. I mean shit, I have had only two partners my whole life and the first one is the one who gives me a STD that will not go away! But it's like my Doctor said, "It only takes one time."

Anyway, sometimes I'm okay and sometimes I get fed up and wish I could exchange my body for another one - ha ha!

My husband is understanding and he doesn't have H as far as we know. But sometimes I feel like our marriage is falling apart and is H making me stay b/c I'm afraid no one else will want me?

As for this lady friend. I'm not sure you should contact her. I recently e-mailed a guy friend from high school and got no response. I think he was really the one and I let him go, which is why I was hoping to at least meet up with him or something. I don't know, maybe a possible affair was in the back of my head. I think I was fantasizing a bit. But him not responding has closed the door to any future conversations. I think I just wanted to let him know how I truly felt about him back then. I know he had strong feelings for me, but.....

Anyway, I hope things work out for you with the military. I don't watch Leno or Letterman, so I wasn't aware that Leno makes jokes about it.

How come no one has talked about this on a talk show? Everything else has been covered.

Anyway, I'm babbling, so I'll go for now.

Take care,
Dazed


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DG
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Jun-05-03, 12:39 PM (CDST)
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36. "RE: Just talked to a local recruiter...."
In response to message #35
 
   Hi Dazed, I'll tell you about who I am, as far as the way I'm feeling. I tend to utilize song lyrics a lot so one that has really been sticking in my head lately is this one.

" I'm just a shadow of the man I should be, like a garden in the forest, that the world will never see. And I haven't thought of answers, only questions to be filled.....and it feels like hell." .. Big Country.

It seems that over this last year, my family and friends have told me that they miss the " old " DG. Well, That person is gone now, I mean there are times when I feel great, and I'm still capable of laughing, and being funny. However the old cliche' about men always thinking of sex is pretty much true. The thoughts are always there, and now when I have those thoughts, I have to be reminded that I have this. It instantly changes my feelings.

It seems really unfair, I feel as if I just recently was coming into my own regarding my confidence with women. I know that I am a good man, and have much to offer. Having Herpes has really turned me into a dark spirit. I was always told anyway that I was a bit moody... still water runs deep type of personality.

I realize that I never would have been with the person who gave me this, had I more confidence in myself, and hadn't felt so alone, and needy. I was raised Catholic, but never confirmed in the church... however I am having trouble dealing with my views about believing in God, and having faith. I'm not what you would call a practicing catholic, I like the ceremony, and maybe the guilt instilled subliminally in me is causing me to really be hit hard by this.

I find myself thinking, well, is this a test of my faith, or punishment for my lack of it? It is funny how things can happen to you where you say, maybe someone is looking out for me in some way. The example I offer is this. Years ago I was jokingly telling a friend of mine that my belief in GOD basically boiled down to the weird irony that " DOG " spelled backwards is.... GOD.

Well, I believe that a few months ago my own DOG saved my life. I have a miniature Dachshund, who is like my little shadow. One time when I was at my lowest of lows, I was nearly in the process of doing something sinister over all of the things that I didn't want to feel anymore. My dog went ballistic, and nearly tore down the bathroom door, barking, whining, crying. I can't explain it. He must have sensed something, and he kept me from doing what I was thinking about. I haven't been that low again, and I'm thankful for that.

Recently though, I have had a few nightmares about the ex, who gave me this. Before, it was when I was sleeping that I didn't have to feel that I had Herpes. But the nightmare I had was pretty horrible, and really suggests that in my subconscious this is tearing me up. It was like a bad horror movie, and sort of funny now. I was being intimate with the ex, and she transformed into a red skinned demon, with fangs etc... She was biting me with huge fangs, and injecting me with her poison(herpes). I woke up yelling, and in a cold sweat. I thought to myself this is ridiculous. Am I going crazy?

Since I am considering the service, I went on a tough training regimen to get into shape... I feel really good physically, now that I am in shape again, my dad keeps telling me that all these women are checking me out, that I'm apparently oblivious to.

If he's right I am probably coming off as a jerk,but the reality is that I feel emotionally like a piece of old paper. Brittle, and dried, and prone to crumbling when you pick it up.

I am taking it day by day, and I cannot fathom at this time that this is going to make me a stronger person. I just want to get to a place where this doesn't bother me anymore.

My mom tells me that I'm deeply empathetic, and I soak up a lot of emotion that surrounds me. She seems to think that I'm too much of a soft touch to make the military happen. I had to tell her that I still have dreams about those people who jumped from the World Trade Center. I did not know one person who died that day, but in a small way if I can do something to prevent that from happening again, I want to do it.

I would hope that the service would value that thinking, regardless of my age, or Herpes status. Take care, DG.


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