"finally not alone"
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Teddybear Click to EMail TeddybearClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-07-99, 10:33 PM (CST)
"finnally not alone"
Hey people i'm thirty years old and i've had herpes for about ten years, I recently split up with my common law wife of ten years, she had it as well we had it before getting together, it was just a fluke, one that I thought will happen again, so now i am faced with the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, I can live with this unwelcome virus, I would rather not do it alone, I'm a good looking guy and before the virus came i did not have problems meeting woman, but this changes everything I was not a player and did not have very many sexual partners, I guess im doing this because i would like to meet woman who might be in the same situation, I have never been at a herpes sight before and am just getting the hang of the computer ,so please be patient, I share this computer with people who do not know so please be descreet,looking forward to chating, Bye for now HEY HAVE A GREAT DAY

 Table of contents

Welcome Teddybear!, weed, Dec-07-99, (1)
Hello There!! , Angela, Dec-08-99, (5)
No Secret, weed, Dec-09-99, (7)
About passing it to your spouse., peter, Dec-09-99, (9)
You arose very important topic, Ang..., Vesely, Dec-12-99, (22)
And also check out..., Cute, Dec-08-99, (2)
Antopia, Zena, Dec-08-99, (4)
Meet People With Herpes:, Angela, Dec-08-99, (6)
New too, Zena, Dec-08-99, (3)
About passing it to your spouse., peter, Dec-09-99, (8)
Clarification, weed, Dec-09-99, (10)
outlook, peter, Dec-09-99, (11)
~~~, Ocean, Dec-09-99, (12)
I share Weed's outlook, Keyser Soze, Dec-10-99, (14)
Attitude, weed, Dec-10-99, (15)
Weed is right!, Rajah, Dec-09-99, (13)
Thanks, peter, Dec-10-99, (16)
February must be the month..., Keyser Soze, Dec-10-99, (17)
Hi Peter, J, Dec-10-99, (18)
Illustrating my point, weed, Dec-10-99, (19)
new to site, Bec, Dec-12-99, (20)
Bec:, weed, Dec-12-99, (21)
meds, peter, Dec-13-99, (23)
Thanks, Peter., Rajah, Dec-13-99, (24)
support, J, Dec-13-99, (25)
meds, Peter, Dec-15-99, (26)
Hi Peter, J, Dec-15-99, (27)
hope for future relationships, Stave, Dec-19-99, (30)
passing it on, Sally, Dec-20-99, (31)
Sally...., Zena, Dec-20-99, (32)
that was my hunch, Sally, Dec-20-99, (33)
His info is a few years out of date..., Rajah, Dec-20-99, (34)
thanks, Sally, Dec-20-99, (35)

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Messages in this topic

weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-07-99, 11:15 PM (CST)
1. "Welcome Teddybear!"
Glad you found us, this is a good site. I've been gifted for over 20 yrs...and definitely not alone. Been married to an HSV negative husband for 7.5 years.

You might be "out of the loop" since you were in a long term relationship for the past 10 years. The bad news is that there are still many uneducated people out there who think us gifted people are dirty. The good news is that WE don't think so, and we have learned or are in the process of learning that we can still hold our heads up and enjoy a good relationship.

Previous surveys of people who hang out here say that there is about a 75% "acceptance rate". Meaning when we tell someone we are interested in about our HSV status, the majority are willing to pursue the relationship. The rejections still hurt like hell, but you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

Check out all the areas of this website - lots of good info and links. And feel free to post any questions - lots of support and advice./herpes/images2/coolsmil.gif


Angela Click to EMail AngelaClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-08-99, 11:09 PM (CST)
5. "Hello There!! "
Hi! I want to know what your secret is!!!
You said:

***Been married to an HSV negative husband for 7.5 years.***

How does your husband keep from getting herpes?
I am with somebody right now that doesn't have genital herpes. We do know that he has type 1 in his system though. I think that this will give him a little leverage and added protection from getting type 2 from me. But, I will tell you that I am on suppression and we use condoms all the time for now. He realizes that there is still a possibility that he can get this....and he doesn't care if he gets herpes from me.

I care if he does and I would like to see that he doesn't get it from me....especially when we start to have a bigger family.

Please...what is your secret?



weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 02:43 AM (CST)
7. "No Secret"
Just informed decision. I don't get many ob's. I'd had it for many years before we met and had other partners who didn't get it. (to my best knowledge.) It's just a simple virus to me - an occassional annoyance like my period. Needs some attention but life goes on. He's probably been exposed to HSV1 from his first wife and possibly childhood. (no symptoms for him but maybe a good antibody or two.) Someone once said that he'd probably been exposed with small doses from me over time and would test positive. It's just not an issue.

He doesn't want to get it if "it hurts" (his words...cutie, eh?) But if he does, well, whatever. This will sound really pukey, but our marriage is so much bigger than this stinkin' virus that we really don't even think about it.
Never used condoms, just enjoyed each other and still do. We're damned happy and damned lucky.

Wishing that for you too. Work on your feelings about possibly giving it to him. If says he doesn't care, trust him. Sure I'm glad my husband doesn't have symptoms, and I'd probably feel bad if he did, but again, I really consider the impact of this virus on my life minimal, and I honestly believe he'd feel the same way.

(damn! long sentence...)

Best wishes.


peter Click to EMail peterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 09:38 AM (CST)
9. "About passing it to your spouse."
Weed--Please see the response I listed to Zena (I am new to this website and inadvertently listed my reply incorrectly). It was meant for you. thanks

Vesely Click to EMail VeselyClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-12-99, 06:03 PM (CST)
22. "You arose very important topic, Angela"
I had been tested H-2 positive only a few days ago, so I'm very new to this. I'm still wondering how happened that I've cought it having worn condom and washing myself after each intercourse.

I'm deeply worried about the fact that herpes can completely destroy the goodness of sexual life. As I understand, for example, oral sex should be avoided, since the infection can be passed to the mouth even in the dormant stage of the disease. Furthermore, it would be a miracle if the outbreaks of the both partners happen simultaneously. If one partnet has it for 1.5 weeks, then another week is recommended to keep avoiding sex for assurance, whereas doctors mentioned 5-6 outbreaks during the first year - then it sounds like THERE WILL BE SCARCELY A LITTLE TIME FOR SEX AT ALL


Cute Click to EMail CuteClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-08-99, 03:16 PM (CST)
2. "And also check out..."
The Antopia "meet people" site!

The more the merrier!



Zena Click to EMail ZenaClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-08-99, 10:39 PM (CST)
4. "Antopia"
>The Antopia "meet people" site!
>The more the merrier!

Cute~ Maybe I am slow (Iam)but where exactly do I find this sight??

Peace~ Zena


Angela Click to EMail AngelaClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-08-99, 11:11 PM (CST)
6. "Meet People With Herpes:"
Meet People With Herpes:
Bart's Picture Page! http://www.geocities.com/~barts_pp
http://www.antopia.com/herpes/ http://www.antopia.com/herpes/\
Bio / Info Page http://www.racoon.com/herpes/biopage/bio.htm
Pictures http://www.racoon.com/herpes/pixpage/index.html
Yahoo! Clubs herpessingles http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/herpessingles
Yahoo! Clubs gulfsouthfriends http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/gulfsouthfriends
H Friends Home http://www.hfriends.com/ NEW!!!!!!!!!!



Zena Click to EMail ZenaClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-08-99, 04:09 PM (CST)
3. "New too"
Hi all. I too have recently split from a long term relationship with the person who gave me this lifelong rememberence of him. I know what you are going though and you will probably see me post to other threads in more detail. It is hard a hard pill to swallow when you actually want to be close to someone else, but is what it is I suppose. I am just now coming to terms with it all even though I have had it for 8 years. Be strong and honest even if it may not turn out the way you hope. Good luck!
Peace~ Zena

peter Click to EMail peterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 09:34 AM (CST)
8. "About passing it to your spouse."
This is in response to Weed's reply. You are lucky that you haven't passed the virus to your husband. I am new to genital herpes (type 1) and am very concerned about passing it to my wife (she doesn't have it--and I didn't get it from her). We are both in our thirties. She has told me that she could deal with the infection if it ever happened to her. That made me feel a lot better. But I also think about the consequences if I did pass it on to her and if, for some reason, I died early or something(that would leave her "alone" with it). I don't mean to sound so morbid, but am trying to be realistic about the consequences. How do you deal with that?

weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 10:43 AM (CST)
10. "Clarification"
I might well have already passed it. I mean, what are the odds? But as I said, we just aren't that concerned about it. He went into the deal informed, didn't care, still doesn't. Herpes has minimal impact on our lives. If I died before him he would be so bereft he wouldn't ever even LOOK at another woman anyway./herpes/images2/wink.gif

Seriously, he would deal with it as he has seen me deal with it for many years...head held high and enjoying life, come what may. Time, knowledge, love and commitment will put this in perspective for you as it has for us. Go at your own pace.

Sincere best wishes to you.


peter Click to EMail peterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 12:55 PM (CST)
11. "outlook"
Your prediction about your husband's outlook should you "pass on" before him gave me quite a chuckle! It was really the first time I had a genuine laugh over the subject of herpes since this all began with me last February (and I'm actually on meds for clinical depression and anxiety since finding out I have the virus). Thanks for that! I realize that your attitude makes all the difference in the world--and I really felt that come through in your letter. But how does one get to the point where you can honestly be at peace with it and "enjoy life--come what may?" Have you dealt with it that way from the beginning or did it take awhile? Every day I pray to God for the strength to deal with the anxiety. Part of my anxiety is not only dealing with the "chronic" nature of the virus, but also the manner in which I got it and where I have it (to put it bluntly, in my rectum through anal intercourse with a man--I had been cheating on my wife). I know there are a lot of "sexual" issues there that I struggle with that contribute to my attitude. But I have faith that there is a reason for all this and, with God's help, we can overcome. It seems strange, though, that even though I'm fairly new to this website, I haven't heard anyone talk about their "faith" in God. That's a whole other issue isn't it? Thanks Weed for letting me see a lighter side to this and really feel it--even if only for a moment!

Ocean Click to EMail OceanClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 09:20 PM (CST)
12. "~~~"
I transmitted herpes to my girlfriend. She knew going into the relationship and accepted the risk. She became very informed on the virus and its risks befor she caught it from me. I do not feel much guilt over it. I do not lose sleep at night over it. Why? We love each other. She has made it more than abundantly clear that it doesn't matter to her. That I matter to her. If she could do it again, she would. Love is much stronger than herpes. We are happy.

Be easy on yourself. Its her right to risk loving you.



Keyser Soze Click to EMail Keyser SozeClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 00:55 AM (CST)
14. "I share Weed's outlook"
I realize that your attitude makes all the difference in the world--and I really felt that come through in your letter. But how does one get to the point where you can honestly be at peace with it and "enjoy life--come what may?"

For me it was a gradual transition from "I have herpes, it really sucks, and it's running my life" to "I have herpes and it sucks" to "Yeah I have herpes but it has no impact on how I live my life." This progression took me about 2 years. I have had herpes for 2 years and 10 months and I am now in a fantastic relationship and totally at peace with myself. For me, I needed to get my act together about the whole herpes thing in addition to my feelings surrounding how I contracted it. Acceptance isn't something that comes quickly or easily--you must allow yourself adequate time to deal with it. For me, that adequate time was a little over 2 years worth of time. All of this had to happen before I was at a point where I could move on and be a good partner. Before that I was too wrapped up in my own stuff to be able to fairly and equitably offer anything to a healthy relationship.

I tend to be a relatively private person, so I chose to deal with the issues surrounding my own infection and other stuff alone. I don't know if therapy would've done me any good or not. I highly recommend it, however. Even just having someone to bounce ideas, thoughts, and feelings off from is beneficial to most people. The most important thing, as you probably know, is to not bottle up your feelings--that causes undue stress on your body and can make the physical aspects of herpes (OBs) harder to control.

I hope things work out for you--remember, happiness, contentment, and acceptance won't come overnight, but it will come.



weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 11:20 AM (CST)
15. "Attitude"
>>your attitude makes all the difference in the world...But how does one get to the point where you can honestly be at peace with it and "enjoy life--come what may?" Have you dealt with it that way from the beginning or did it take awhile?<img src="/herpes/images2/ohnoooo.gifpeople freak out about it.

I don't mean to minimize the effects of this virus on others. I realize that some suffer extremely severe physical problems and my heart goes out to them. But still, nobody should be stigmatized because of it.

My layman's advice is to work on yourself and your marriage through several avenues. Partner with your wife in working through this and the infidelity issue. Individual and couples counseling can be valuable with the right counselor. (Note: if you don't click with the first one, get another. Been there.)

Reading is also good therapy. Although I don't have any specific recommendations, there are some excellent books that might help. I am talking about books in the self-help section that address
self-esteem issues or perhaps "how to live a happy life" themed. Barnes & Noble and Borders let you spend as much time as you want previewing books in the store. This is important since you also have to figure out if the book has any value to you or it's just some nut like Covey who reminds me of a cult leader. (Sorry to any Covey lovers out there. I like some of his concepts, but he's a bit too much for me. His videos, which I saw at work, are downright scary.)

Use your head when choosing books. No one book has "the answer" but many can lead you towards good thought processes and actions that will bring focus and happiness to your life.

I guess my point is that enlightenment and peace come from within, and thoughtfully chosen external guides are only there to help you along the way. Explore as many options that are available to you and take what makes sense and feels right. Most importantly, cherish your wife and accept her love and support every day.

Humble opinion on God: God does not solve problems. His greatest gift to you is that he has given you the tools to help yourself live a long and magical life.

My sincere best wishes to you.


Rajah Click to EMail RajahClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-09-99, 10:39 PM (CST)
13. "Weed is right!"
/herpes/images2/r.jpg" ALIGN="left"BORDER=0 HSPACE=20 VSPACE=1 >I have had the distinct pleasure of meeting with Weed on a few occasions and she is not kidding <img src="



peter Click to EMail peterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 01:19 PM (CST)
16. "Thanks"
THANK YOU ALL for your responses. I know I've changed a lot over the past few months--It'll be a year in February for me in terms of dealing with this (my "anniversary") . I am hoping that Keyser's two year prediction is right. Question for Keysor--Did you need meds to deal with it emotionally (i.e. antidepressants or anti-anxiety stuff) and, if so, for how long? I know everyone's ability to cope with life's trials is highly individual, but it really does help to know what kinds of things you've been through. Thank you for your support!

Keyser Soze Click to EMail Keyser SozeClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 02:05 PM (CST)
17. "February must be the month..."
It'll be a year in February for me
We can have a party together--my anniversary is February 20th. It'll be 3 years then.

I am hoping that Keyser's two year prediction is right.

Me too--I have hundreds of followers who will lynch me if I'm wrong! ha ha ha

Question for Keysor--Did you need meds to deal with it emotionally (i.e. antidepressants or anti-anxiety stuff) and, if so, for how long?

No, I never took any sort of meds ('cept for antivirals for outbreaks, then suppressive therapy for a few months between my 1 and 1.5 year mark). Should I have taken meds? Probably--there was a 6-8 month span where I could easily have qualified as clinically depressed. It wasn't just the herpes, there was a lot of stuff going on in my life at that point. That was before I was incredibly active on here, and I'd been having some relationship and people problems at that point. I dealt with it in the only way I really knew how: I worked tons of hours, did a lot of things by myself, and isolated myself from people. It worked, but it was a rough time. I know hindsight is 20/20, but knowing what I know now, I should definitely have at least seen a counselor or chaplain, or someone like that.

Hope this helps--feel free to email me if I can be of further assistance.

Keyser Soze


J Click to EMail JClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 05:10 PM (CST)
18. "Hi Peter"
How people deal with HSV can depend on the circumstances under which they contracted it. For example, I was very depressed after getting it, but mostly because I was deceived-not so much the diseased part. I couldn't imagine how someone could intentionally deceive and disease someone-especially when you 'think' this person loves you. In addition to dealing with that aspect and all the other 'psychological' issues that surround a HSV diagnosis, my body had a very hard time adjusting to the virus to the point I thought I was going to have to go on disability. I was having constant severe fatigue, photophobia, headaches, low grade fevers, and difficulty walking (my legs were stiff as boards.) And since HSV was having such a huge impact on my body, other health conditions were manifesting-I literally was at the doctor about twice a week for 8 months. All of this really started wearing on me and it's almost like a state of 'learned helplessness'-I starting getting depressed. I hit rock bottom close to the anniversary of my disease (I split up with the guy that gave this to me.) I had stayed with him a year and my anger keep growing everyday-I hated him. I felt trapped. I thought I would never have another relationship-when we split, I cried for days, didn't really eat (forced myself to eat half of an English muffin a day-lost like 10 pounds in a week), and seriously contemplated suicide. It's amazing to think my mind did all that-not so much the physical, although I'm sure it contributed, but how I perceived my reality. Obviously, I made it through that time, and strangely, I felt sooo much better a few weeks later-as if I had been freed. Freed from the prison I created in my mind.

So what's my point, right? Well, reading your story, I can see why you might feel the way you do. I can see 'how' a mind could perceive your situation but again, it's all a matter of perception. Looking back, I think wow, I spent almost a year feeling like shit and I wonder how much of that was my own doing. I heard they don't give out any awards in heaven for making yourself miserable nor do they give you any tax breaks

It is a lot of easier to preach this stuff, and I'm trying to take my very words to heart as well. I hope you are in therapy working through your feelings associated with this. It would probably be good. I tied to get therapy when I felt myself getting depressed, unfortunately, the counselor made me feel even worse, she said, "Don't worry, someday you'll find someone else with herpes." and I said, "You mean I can't be with someone else if they don't have herpes?" and she said, "Well, you could, but they would have to be *really* understanding." I left more depressed than I did coming in!

Well, guess what, I've been w/ people w/ herpes and with out since-I've realized how very common this is-most my friends have it. Ironically, the first guy I was interested in after my ex had it. I'm telling you, it is probably more common than we think especially if you take in the incidence of genital HSV I infection (like yourself) not to mention the spread rate.

But again, I can imagine how you perceive this-I would probably feel how you feel as well but I'm a Heg (half empty glass as opposed to half full glass.)

By the way, what meds are you taking and are they helping?

Sorry for the book.



weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-10-99, 06:40 PM (CST)
19. "Illustrating my point"
>>the counselor made me feel even worse,....I left more depressed than I did coming in!<<

To anyone considering counseling - always remember that you are the patient and you have a choice. Don't expect the counselor to magically solve your problems - it takes hard work and commitment on your part. Also expect to hear some things you may not want to hear about yourself. But follow your gut. If you get a bad one, switch! Even with managed care limitations, complain, loudly if needed, that you need a different counselor if you feel the one you have is not working out.


Bec Click to EMail BecClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-12-99, 02:41 PM (CST)
20. "new to site"
New to this site, not to herpes. Just found you guys today. I am very impressed with the questions, answers, and support given by you folks.
I was wondering if anyone has tried a product called Super Lysine Plus cream, usually found in natural healthfood stores. I have very frequent outbreaks and have found this to be a very soothing topical treatment. I'm sort of assuming that veterans of this annoyance may already be aware of this product, but to any rookies, you might want to give it a try.
The only reason I'm not taking a prescription suppressor is because I'm a student and can't afford it right now. Does anyone have some dietary/supplement tips?
Looking forward to exchanging thoughts with all.

weed Click to EMail weedClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-12-99, 03:16 PM (CST)
21. "Bec:"
Welcome, Bec! I'm afraid your comments might be lost since you posted them within another thread. Try going to the main view of the support forum and clicking on the POST icon near the top. This will enable you to start your very own thread and perhaps generate some replies.

You might want to also check out the Treatment section, which lists alternative therapies. You get there by clicking on the HHP main page at the top of this page, then use the toolbar on the left.


peter Click to EMail peterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-13-99, 10:07 AM (CST)
23. "meds"
Hi J,
I've always considered myself a HEG too. But I'm starting to look for the light in everything now and it gets me through. As far as meds--do you mean for the physical symptoms or emotional upset?
My main "problem" is dealing with the emotional issues involved and how they affected my prevous state of "well-being". After finding out I had genital herpes, I became extremely depressed (suicidal) and anxious (literally having sweat attacks every day) and wasn't able to sleep for about four months. I was never a depressed or overly anxious type person. I've been on different meds. Started with Paxil which is supposed to be good for anxiety and depression--I had to give that up because it didn't put a dent on my mood and it only made me sweat more (one of the major side effects is sweating). I was then on Serzone (an antidepressant) for awhile which helped lift my spirits somewhat but made me drowsy (which was a good thing at the time). However, the drowsiness eventually became a problem for me since I felt like I was always tired. I switched shrinks and he put me on Effexor (an antidepressant) and Clonazepam (for anxiety). The clonazepam really did it for me. It took much of the edge off of the anxiety and now I am able to deal with this much more rationally. I have come through a lot in the past few months--I'd like to think that I am "out of the woods", but I know I still have a lot of work to do in terms of adjusting. For the physical symptoms, it seems as though I have, for the most part, only "prodrome"/parasthesia stuff to deal with. I don't notice any external lesions anywhere but I do get sensations like mild burning (short-lasting; minutes), very sharp shooting pain to my right hip (again very brief and transient) and some bloating/gas (I don't know if you've read my history but I do have this bug in my gastrointestingal tract "down there"). I was on Valtrex for about a month when I found out in February, but I stopped taking it because it didn't seem to do much at the time. I've decided to stay off the antivirals for now since the physical symptoms would seem manageable without. I guess I am "lucky" in that respect. I've tried to change my diet (avoid spicy foods, coffee, too much sweets) but don't know if that has helped. I've also recently started taking supplements like Lysine, Vit. C, Zinc and licorice root. Again, it's too soon to tell whether these are making a difference. I can tell you though that it does make a big difference to share all this with people like you on the Web and to know what other people are going through. If I can be of any help please let me know (have to get back to work now)--will touch base again later!

Rajah Click to EMail RajahClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-13-99, 10:32 AM (CST)
24. "Thanks, Peter."
Sharing is the thing that we do best here and as you have found out, in many respects, it is the most important part of dealing with herpes. It certainly was for me. I also appreciate your sharing your medical history in that regard. Many people, myseof included, have had to deal with depression as a result of herpes. I think that the real destruction due to this virus is the emotional turmoil, much more so for many folks than the physical effects.

Good luck, Peter.



J Click to EMail JClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-13-99, 04:24 PM (CST)
25. "support"
Hi Peter,

I'm not sure if I would have made it through w/o the HHP-they have been very supportive of me and are a great source of information. In addition, I've made a lot of 'cyber' friends here.

I'm glad to hear the meds are working. My depression also co-existed with anxiety-terrible combo, huh? It's hard to explain to someone the seriousness of these conditions-people tend to equate them to their own moments of anxiety or depression which are very different than the development of a disorder. I'm still affected by both (although to a much lesser extent), but enough that I still consider meds from time to time.

I'm glad you found support here-we have a great group and are always willing to lend an ear.

Take Care,



Peter Click to EMail PeterClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-15-99, 01:17 PM (CST)
26. "meds"
Hi J,
Was wondering if you could share what meds you were on for the anxiety/depression and for how long you needed them. You also said that you still consider them from time to time--does that mean that you take them intermittently now? I would very much like to get off the psych meds someday--I tried recently to cut the dose of clonazepam in half but the anxiety got worse so I went back to the full dose. I've been on them since May. My psychiatrist plans to leave the meds as is for now and said that we can try to taper them next spring (sounds like a long time away but, hey, I'm not going anywhere). Clinical depression is a horrible thing. Combined with anxiety it is even worse!! I'm getting through it day to day (in the beginning it was minute to minute). I'm a lot better now than what I was a few months ago. Many days I feel like I am going to beat it; some days it's more difficult. About a month ago I developed the worst sore throat in my life that didn't go away until yesterday. I was convinced that it was the herpes bug. Just an example of something that would make me more anxious. One thing I do know is that the anxiety wreaks havoc on my immune defenses--the sore throat was probably not directly due to HSV but the result of my lowered resistance in general. I try to eat right, get as much sleep as I can, take supplements, and have fun when I can. Any other suggestions?

J Click to EMail JClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-15-99, 03:14 PM (CST)
27. "Hi Peter"
You didn't mention exercise, destressing techniques/classes/group, or cognitive behavioral therapy. Moderate exercise can help with both anxiety and depression. Some health care providers provide courses on destressing, support groups, even Yoga (which is great from the body and the mind.) You may want to see what is available in your area. Also, I'm not sure if you have any specifics with your anxiety that would work under cognitive behavioral therapy-you probably do-a lot of people swear by this.
I've never taken any medication so I can't comment from my personal experience. I do do research in psychopharmacology-specifically drugs for the treatment of anxiety and depression, not that this helps either. It's too bad you couldn't find a second-generation antidepressant that was effective on your anxiety symptoms. Although benzodiazepines are great anxiolytics, side effects, tolerance, and dependency can be a problem. Perhaps when you are more resolved with your issues with contracting herpes, and other herpes related anxiety and depression you can work on getting off the drugs. You are taking great steps right now-wish I could help more.



Stave Click to EMail StaveClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-19-99, 06:24 PM (CST)
30. "hope for future relationships"
"hope for future realationships(sorry I write books too)"
Posted by Steve on Dec-19-99 at 00: AM (EST)

I'm glad to hear many of you have found understanding partners.I have
had herpes for I think 10 years but only recently have come to terms
with the fact that I really do have it(denial).I never had any visual
outbreaks or severe symptoms so it was easy to forget about it.I was
told by another docter that my first diagnosis was muloscom contagiosum
and not herpes.
In the past year however I have had more severe oral outbreaks and this
weekend for the first time I had a sore on the outside of my lips.Like
others I am an attractive guy who gets alot of attention from girls.I
find myself avaoiding talking to women I may be interested in because I
have herpes and are avoiding cultivating a realationship at all because
eventually I will have to tell and then If that person decides to split
I feel iv'e wasted time and emotion.I too feel the timeouts from kissing
are going to be the hardest part. aThe sex you can use condoms or
temporarily refrain. But I love to give oral seplease excuse me if I
offend) and would be very concerened about transmiting. In fact i
beleive I gave it to an x genitally and then reinfected myself and that
is why I am having more severe problems now.
So its encouraging to hear that many of you have found relationships
that you have succedded in. I only pray I will have the same success.Im
sure I will be posting more as I too deal with the emotions..P.S I also
went through the feelings of suicide and hoplesness but are over
that.And have to tell any in that phase of depression to seek out forums
like this for support and don't do it.
I am going to post my experiances with alternative suppressions i'm not
sure wheer though so look for it..


Sally Click to EMail SallyClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-20-99, 06:49 PM (CST)
31. "passing it on"
Hi, I am very very new to all this. I met a man three months ago and it seems that we are headed for something very special. He had been dating someone for about four months prior to meeting me and had failed to tell her that he had herpes. When he did tell her, she fliiped in a hurtful way which is why the relationship ended so soon. It was he, not his girlfriend, who ended it because of her inability to see beyond the disease. I come into the picture and he decides that he needs to tell prospective partners right off the bat instead of waiting til he feels comfortable enough to tell. I had no big problem with it. Or maybe I was in denial about having a problem with it. You see, he told me that he has had it for ten years, has o.b.'s an average of once every 1 or 1.5 years, he always knows before hand and unless you are exposed during an o.b. there is no way to contract it. He was married for six years, in another relationship for 4 years and neither of these women contracted it. I believe what he is saying.

I really want to learn more about this but I am afraid that once I get to reading all the stuff on the Internet I will be so freaked out myself that I will not know what to do. Some time ago I had a scare with HPV, when a doctor falsely informed me that I had it. I read horror stories on the Internet and suffered one week of doom and gloom.

Unless I am living with or married to his man, I am hoping that all I need to know is that so long as we stay clear of eachother during his ob's, I am safe. Could this be true?

One other graphic question -- if what he has told me is not entriely true, does in injestion of semen into the stomach (i.e., "swallowing during oralsex") increase the risk?

Sorry if too long-winded.... thanks in advance for any commentary.


Zena Click to EMail ZenaClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-20-99, 07:02 PM (CST)
32. "Sally...."
Other folks here will give you a more in depth answer but the bottom line is YES, you can get it without an Ob present. I caught this by listening to my partner and never seeking my own answers...so my advice is to surf the web, library or whatever means you can to find out more about this disease. At least you will be able to continue your relationship with him with both eyes wide open, and not have to risk blaming him for his ignorance someday.....good luck

They say ignorance is bliss....I think NOT!

Peace~ Zena


Sally Click to EMail SallyClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-20-99, 07:08 PM (CST)
33. "that was my hunch"
Thanks Zena. I thought that maybe that was the case. In fact, after I sent that message, I already began the process of educating myself. I have had sex with this man twice, both times using condoms.... but what about that graphic thing? Anyhow.... thanks

Rajah Click to EMail RajahClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-20-99, 08:37 PM (CST)
34. "His info is a few years out of date."
First, welcome and let me say that I congratulate you, Sally, for seeking to get educated about this as well as for not running off at the first mention of herpes.

For a long time the doctors would tell you that if there was no OB, then a person was not contageous. In fact one of my doctors told me that as recently as about 4 years ago. I don't think that your b/f is trying to deceive you, but I do think that his doctor may have told him this. In fact some doctors who are not up to speed will tell you this today.

Most likely he is much, much less contageous when there is no active OB, and, given that he has had this for a number of years, the amount of time he is actually shedding the virus may be quite small. Perhaps only two or three days a year. So it becomes a question of acceptable risk.

I am engaged to a woman who is HSV-. In my case, a condom appears to cover my "hot spot". This is not a 100% guarantee, but it has worked for us over the past several months.

Good luck, Sally, and feel free to come here anytime with your questions and comments.



Sally Click to EMail SallyClick to check IP address of the poster Dec-20-99, 08:45 PM (CST)
35. "thanks"
Thank you Rajah. I do not feel better or worse. But you are right perhaps because his ob's are not painful and so infrequent, he has not kept up on the matter.

And yes, I will be back with more questions.




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