"Freaked out about telling"
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Cassidy Click to EMail CassidyClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 11:05 AM (CST)
"Freaked out about telling"
Hey all,

I just spent a wonderful weekend with an old friend that has come back in my life as, well, more than a friend. It is developing into a 'long distance' thing.. he is only 2 hours away. I figure that I will be seeing him every weekend for the next month and a half. So he crashes with me. Our kisses are getting a bit more passionate.. and rolling around the sheets just doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Everytime he attempts to head 'south,' I stop him and he accuses me (not meanly) of playing hard to get. I told him that I have my reasons and he was like ok, whatever.

I want to tell him even though I am not ready to having intercourse just yet. I am so nervous though. To me, though, telling makes the relationship get much more serious. And I am not sure about how serious I want to get. Like by telling, I would somehow fast forward our relationship to some point. .wherever that may be. I am making every attempt to relax and let our relationship go and flow naturally. Does this make sense?

I also want to find and wait for the right time... but right times never appear.. you have to make them happen.. so that makes me apprehensive and anxious, too.

So I am scared of rejection and moving too fast. Any thoughts, words of wisdom, or comfort would be much appreciated.

Cassidy

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 Table of contents

The right time, M'sMom, Apr-10-00, (1)
Love it!, Della, Apr-10-00, (2)
ME too!, Sal, Apr-10-00, (3)
ME too!, Sal, Apr-10-00, (4)
RE: The right time, Cassidy, Apr-10-00, (5)

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M'sMom Click to EMail M'sMomClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 11:46 AM (CST)
1. "The right time"
Sure can be hard to find, can't it? This is different for everyone, but I think in your case, I would tell him something like this:

"I really enjoy your company, and I'm having a lot of fun, but before I get sexually involved with *anyone* I want to have a serious talk about contraception, safe sex, and what they mean between us, and then I want us both to have a chance to think about it before we move on. Let me know if and when you want to have that talk."

The reason I would do it this way is that it definitely sends the message that you aren't up for a quick casual lay, and that you plan to be both cautious and up-front, but it doesn't give away your reasons. You could be concerned about pregnacy, or level of committment in the relationship, or whatever.

If your friend is not ready to consider at least a semi-serious relationship with you, he won't ask. If he does ask to have the conversation, you can talk about the nature of your relationship first and decide if you want to proceed. Then you can talk about the h if it seems like you are a "go" otherwise.

Good Luck!

MM

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Della Click to EMail DellaClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 03:23 PM (CST)
2. "Love it!"
Just wanted to tell you that I love your advice! (all the time, but I really like this particular reply).

~Della

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Sal Click to EMail SalClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 03:42 PM (CST)
3. "ME too!"
Me too Della !

I've felt exactly as Cassidy, and others have too.
But I think M's Mom has given us the best thoughts and suggestions to deal with this dilema I've ever seen expressed!

Thanks M's Mom!

Love,

Sal

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Sal Click to EMail SalClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 03:43 PM (CST)
4. "ME too!"
Me too Della !

I've felt exactly as Cassidy, and others have too.
But I think M's Mom has given us the best thoughts and suggestions to deal with this dilema I've ever seen expressed!

Thanks M's Mom!

Love,

Sal

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Cassidy Click to EMail CassidyClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Apr-10-00, 07:59 PM (CST)
5. "RE: The right time"
Dear M's Mom,

Thank you for your eloquent advice. It puts each aspect of my fear and my hope in the right perspective. Hopefully, this will make herpes not a 3rd partner in my relationship or a decision maker.. but just another turn in the road.

Now for the courage and then I will let y'all know how it goes.

Thanks
Cassidy

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