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"Found Out Today"

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Jeff Apr-06-00, 10:43 PM (CST)

"Found Out Today"

Ok, I was diagnosed with herpes today, don't know if its I or II, but I'm not too happy about it either way. So I was reading through you're posts and was wondering if anyone has good success stories. Specifically about the "telling" part -- and also about the long term partner part. I suppose the people who don't have a big problem having herpes probably aren't hanging out in this forum. I was also wondering about having children. Suppose I want to have a baby with a woman who is not infected and isn't cool with "sharing" my ailment. Is there any way to have regular intercourse without a good chance of infection, or are we stuck with condoms and test tube babies. I really hate the thought of both, especially with someone I love. Thanks,
Jeff

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Table of contents

RE: Found Out Today, M'sMom, Apr-06-00, (1)
Hey Jeff, Della, Apr-07-00, (2)
RE: Found Out Today, jnnfrp, Apr-07-00, (3)
RE: Found Out Today, lisx, Apr-07-00, (4)
RE: Found Out Today, G, Apr-07-00, (5)
RE: Found Out Today, gayguy, Apr-09-00, (6)

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M'sMom Apr-06-00, 11:20 PM (CST)

1. "RE: Found Out Today"

Hey, Jeff,
Welcome to the club that nobody applies for, sorry you had to join. Finding out really sucks, but believe me, it does get better. Luckily, there are quite a few folks hanging around here who have gotten to the point that herpes is *not* a big problem for them and they are willing to share time and experience with the newbies. Folks like Rajah and Sal and Lisx and Ocean and KS (and about a hundred others) really helped me out when my daughter was diagnosed in November.
Couple of quick points: Get typed if you can. If your doc cultured a lesion, ask him to have it typed. Otherwise, you'll have to wait for a bit to develop antibodies and then get a blood test (I recommend western blot, see the awareness page for info on getting it). It doesn't matter as far as treatment, but it does matter as far as protecting your partner.
Lots of people have great "telling" and long term relationship success stories - check out the bio/info page, or maybe someone will share here. (Oh, yeah, check out the Quarterly Reports Due Monday thread, also).
As far as condoms and babies, there are a lot of herpsters with kids, and most of 'em didn't start in a petri dish. There are ways to reduce your partner's risk of contracting the H, never to zero, but quite a bit. Suppressive therapy can help a lot, for example. Read some of the back posts on the technical forum, and I recommend Dr. Steven Sack's "The Truth About Herpes" as well - you can order it from the racoon.com bookstore if you like.
Good luck, Jeff.
MM

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Della Apr-07-00, 00:18 AM (CST)

2. "Hey Jeff"

Hi!
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I will briefly share my story with you. For starters, it does seem that a lot of people come and go mostly when they are experiencing OBs (because that seems to be when they are reminded most of this virus -duh), but like M'sMom said, there are a number of wonderful people here who don't suffer from frequent OBs and still stick around to help people who are new to this.
I was diagnosed in February. Total, I've had 2 OBs (including my primary). The primary hurt like hell, but the second one was much less severe. When I told my boyfriend (before he showed symptoms, as well) he was amazingly supportive (he did not give it to me). He basically told me that it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Which is true. And if it makes a difference, I also told an ex-boyfriend (who would reeeeally like to get back together with me -and who also did not give me this virus) that I had contracted genital H, and he was very supportive too. There are a lot of uncool people running around in this world, but I've noticed in this case, I have friends (and loved ones) that are far more supportive than I would have given them credit for.
If you're worrying..Don't. Things will get better. This can change you in a positive way (or a negative one) if you let it. Try and aim for the positive way. You just have to remember to be honest with future partners, and if they are not willing to be with you, then you are better off in the long run. Herpes doesn't define us, but it is a part of us. And if others are not willing to accept...then I truly believe it is their loss.
Keep us posted & Good luck,
~Della

Top

jnnfrp Apr-07-00, 06:41 AM (CST)

3. "RE: Found Out Today"

I found out a month ago. I have been with a great guy for a year, unprotected sex all the time. he hasn't shown any signs yet. When I told him it was hard to even get the word herpes out. But I did and I was more upset then he was. I spent the weekend crying and depressed and he stayed the whole time. He just told me we will deal with it. Since then we have had unprotected sex AGAIN. His idea. I guess we figure we both must have it by now, so what the hell. He must be lucky and not show any symptons. If they truly love you, they will stick with you no matter what. It's actually a great test to see what they are really made of.
It's only been a month I've only had one OB but already it seems like no big deal to me. Of course if I had to date again and have the talk I probably would change my tune. Good luck, it does get better, and there ARE some really good people out there. now you can find out who they are.

Top

lisx Apr-07-00, 08:00 AM (CST)

4. "RE: Found Out Today"

Hi Jeff,
Thanks for letting us know your story. Sorry to hear your diagnosis, I know that it isn't the easiest news to hear.
There is no reason why you should change too much about the things you hope for and wish for in your future. There are many people with herpes in marriages or long term relationships with people who don't have it, and life goes on as normal. We have to be a bit more careful from time to time, but sometimes this makes the things and people that matter to us more precious, not less so.
I don't really have a problem with having herpes, jeff. It has forced some changes in my life, but these changes have all turned out to be positive. My life and LIVING have improved as a consequence of having this virus. So, while I wouldn't recommend that non herps go out and say "I'm gonna get me some of that..." It isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and if I could wish one wish it wouldn't be to not have it.
I wish you all the best luck. Learn as much as you can, and ask away with any questions you need help with.
Love lisx

Top

G Apr-07-00, 08:50 PM (CST)

5. "RE: Found Out Today"

Jeff - Sorry to hear about the news. Just to give you a breakdown...I was diagnosed about 14 years ago and it was given to me by the first man I ever slept with. I have had to deal with this my entire sexual life. The hardest part is telling someone but I truly believe in being honest with someone before entering into a sexual relationship. I have always started out by letting them know I have to tell them something. I let them know I have it and then ask if they know what it is. Normally, they state no and I go into details about it. I always tell them to check into it for themselves because they need to know what I am telling them is the truth and that I have research it. Everyone that I have been with has been very understanding. I wish you luck and if you need to talk, let me know.

Top

gayguy Apr-09-00, 03:05 AM (CST)

6. "RE: Found Out Today"

Hey Jeff,
I got it at the end of January. It hit me hard at first and I had a VERY difficult primary (sick for weeks, missed 3 weeks of work, had meningitis) but since I started taking acyclovir, I've had little problem. Most of my symptoms, even minimal ones, went away in about six weeks.
You have to put this in perspective. I hate to quote a TV show, but Dr. Drew on Loveline said it well when he said that herpes is a skin rash. NOt a fun one to have, but still just that. Yes, it's a bitch to take the pills and deal with the emotional baggage of telling lovers.
I believe that if someone likes you enough and wants to be with you, they'll work around it.
WE AREN'T UNTOUCHABLES.
If a woman is willing to have a baby with you, she will trust that your taking meds and not being broken out will protect her enough.

Good Luck

Top

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Jeff	Apr-06-00, 10:43 PM (CST)
"Found Out Today"
Ok, I was diagnosed with herpes today, don't know if its I or II, but I'm not too happy about it either way. So I was reading through you're posts and was wondering if anyone has good success stories. Specifically about the "telling" part -- and also about the long term partner part. I suppose the people who don't have a big problem having herpes probably aren't hanging out in this forum. I was also wondering about having children. Suppose I want to have a baby with a woman who is not infected and isn't cool with "sharing" my ailment. Is there any way to have regular intercourse without a good chance of infection, or are we stuck with condoms and test tube babies. I really hate the thought of both, especially with someone I love. Thanks, Jeff
	Top

M'sMom	Apr-06-00, 11:20 PM (CST)
1. "RE: Found Out Today"
Hey, Jeff, Welcome to the club that nobody applies for, sorry you had to join. Finding out really sucks, but believe me, it does get better. Luckily, there are quite a few folks hanging around here who have gotten to the point that herpes is not a big problem for them and they are willing to share time and experience with the newbies. Folks like Rajah and Sal and Lisx and Ocean and KS (and about a hundred others) really helped me out when my daughter was diagnosed in November. Couple of quick points: Get typed if you can. If your doc cultured a lesion, ask him to have it typed. Otherwise, you'll have to wait for a bit to develop antibodies and then get a blood test (I recommend western blot, see the awareness page for info on getting it). It doesn't matter as far as treatment, but it does matter as far as protecting your partner. Lots of people have great "telling" and long term relationship success stories - check out the bio/info page, or maybe someone will share here. (Oh, yeah, check out the Quarterly Reports Due Monday thread, also). As far as condoms and babies, there are a lot of herpsters with kids, and most of 'em didn't start in a petri dish. There are ways to reduce your partner's risk of contracting the H, never to zero, but quite a bit. Suppressive therapy can help a lot, for example. Read some of the back posts on the technical forum, and I recommend Dr. Steven Sack's "The Truth About Herpes" as well - you can order it from the racoon.com bookstore if you like. Good luck, Jeff. MM
	Top

Della	Apr-07-00, 00:18 AM (CST)
2. "Hey Jeff"
Hi! Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I will briefly share my story with you. For starters, it does seem that a lot of people come and go mostly when they are experiencing OBs (because that seems to be when they are reminded most of this virus -duh), but like M'sMom said, there are a number of wonderful people here who don't suffer from frequent OBs and still stick around to help people who are new to this. I was diagnosed in February. Total, I've had 2 OBs (including my primary). The primary hurt like hell, but the second one was much less severe. When I told my boyfriend (before he showed symptoms, as well) he was amazingly supportive (he did not give it to me). He basically told me that it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Which is true. And if it makes a difference, I also told an ex-boyfriend (who would reeeeally like to get back together with me -and who also did not give me this virus) that I had contracted genital H, and he was very supportive too. There are a lot of uncool people running around in this world, but I've noticed in this case, I have friends (and loved ones) that are far more supportive than I would have given them credit for. If you're worrying..Don't. Things will get better. This can change you in a positive way (or a negative one) if you let it. Try and aim for the positive way. You just have to remember to be honest with future partners, and if they are not willing to be with you, then you are better off in the long run. Herpes doesn't define us, but it is a part of us. And if others are not willing to accept...then I truly believe it is their loss. Keep us posted & Good luck, ~Della
	Top

jnnfrp	Apr-07-00, 06:41 AM (CST)
3. "RE: Found Out Today"
I found out a month ago. I have been with a great guy for a year, unprotected sex all the time. he hasn't shown any signs yet. When I told him it was hard to even get the word herpes out. But I did and I was more upset then he was. I spent the weekend crying and depressed and he stayed the whole time. He just told me we will deal with it. Since then we have had unprotected sex AGAIN. His idea. I guess we figure we both must have it by now, so what the hell. He must be lucky and not show any symptons. If they truly love you, they will stick with you no matter what. It's actually a great test to see what they are really made of. It's only been a month I've only had one OB but already it seems like no big deal to me. Of course if I had to date again and have the talk I probably would change my tune. Good luck, it does get better, and there ARE some really good people out there. now you can find out who they are.
	Top


	lisx	Apr-07-00, 08:00 AM (CST)
	4. "RE: Found Out Today"
	Hi Jeff, Thanks for letting us know your story. Sorry to hear your diagnosis, I know that it isn't the easiest news to hear. There is no reason why you should change too much about the things you hope for and wish for in your future. There are many people with herpes in marriages or long term relationships with people who don't have it, and life goes on as normal. We have to be a bit more careful from time to time, but sometimes this makes the things and people that matter to us more precious, not less so. I don't really have a problem with having herpes, jeff. It has forced some changes in my life, but these changes have all turned out to be positive. My life and LIVING have improved as a consequence of having this virus. So, while I wouldn't recommend that non herps go out and say "I'm gonna get me some of that..." It isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and if I could wish one wish it wouldn't be to not have it. I wish you all the best luck. Learn as much as you can, and ask away with any questions you need help with. Love lisx
		Top

G	Apr-07-00, 08:50 PM (CST)
5. "RE: Found Out Today"
Jeff - Sorry to hear about the news. Just to give you a breakdown...I was diagnosed about 14 years ago and it was given to me by the first man I ever slept with. I have had to deal with this my entire sexual life. The hardest part is telling someone but I truly believe in being honest with someone before entering into a sexual relationship. I have always started out by letting them know I have to tell them something. I let them know I have it and then ask if they know what it is. Normally, they state no and I go into details about it. I always tell them to check into it for themselves because they need to know what I am telling them is the truth and that I have research it. Everyone that I have been with has been very understanding. I wish you luck and if you need to talk, let me know.
	Top


	gayguy	Apr-09-00, 03:05 AM (CST)
	6. "RE: Found Out Today"
	Hey Jeff, I got it at the end of January. It hit me hard at first and I had a VERY difficult primary (sick for weeks, missed 3 weeks of work, had meningitis) but since I started taking acyclovir, I've had little problem. Most of my symptoms, even minimal ones, went away in about six weeks. You have to put this in perspective. I hate to quote a TV show, but Dr. Drew on Loveline said it well when he said that herpes is a skin rash. NOt a fun one to have, but still just that. Yes, it's a bitch to take the pills and deal with the emotional baggage of telling lovers. I believe that if someone likes you enough and wants to be with you, they'll work around it. WE AREN'T UNTOUCHABLES. If a woman is willing to have a baby with you, she will trust that your taking meds and not being broken out will protect her enough. Good Luck
		Top

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