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"oral sex, any realistic ideas??"

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cowgirl Apr-06-00, 08:03 AM (CST)

"oral sex, any realistic ideas??"

okay, here is one of the most wondered about topics which no one seems to REALLY talk about...ORAL SEX.
My story...
I have been dating this guy for about nine months. I told him about my HSV status within a few dates (we have a LLLOOOONNNGGG distance relationship) and he handled it pretty well. Since then we have been trying to have a realatively normal sex life. We did accomplish this for the first few months, but a couple of months ago he had his primary OB. I am happy to say he survived, although it was a pretty tough primary.
So now that we are BOTH HSV positive how have others handled the whole sex thing and specifically oral sex? I am missing giving him oral sex, but am not sure of REALISTIC options.
Any ideas????

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Table of contents

RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??, dizzy, Apr-06-00, (1)
RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??, windy, Apr-06-00, (2)
Suppressive medicine?, Ben Franklin, Apr-06-00, (3)
RE: Suppressive medicine?, Danielle, Apr-08-00, (4)
RE: Oral Sex, gayguy, Apr-09-00, (5)
RE: Oral Sex, Dizzy, Apr-10-00, (6)
oops..., dizzy, Apr-10-00, (7)
RE: oops..., Erin, Apr-18-00, (9)
RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??, Capricorn Moon, Apr-13-00, (8)

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dizzy Apr-06-00, 09:55 AM (CST)

1. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"

I think a condom is about as realistic as your gonna get. That or taking your chances.
Statistically, if you have had herpes for at least 6 months already (some say at least a year, depending on the severity of the infection) the chances of re-infection in another area of the body are pretty low because your body should have built up enough antibodies to protect the un-infected nerves. However, there are always exceptions to the rules, so I would advise being careful anyway.
As far as you being the reciever of oral sex, you could always use dental dams, however, as I am allergic to latex, I really don't know how realistic it is considering someone here recently told me they're basically just a 5 inch square of plastic.
Good luck, what ever you decide to do.

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windy Apr-06-00, 11:09 AM (CST)

2. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"

cowgirl,
we talk about oral sex here more than any group of people I know. I think we LIKE talking about it.
Since your guy has the exact same virus you have, then you are both protected to some degree from re-infection. The chances of re-infection or autoinocculation are greatest in the first couple months or so while the immune system is still getting used to dealing with herpes. Right now, he might be at slightly higher risk than you for this, and he's also more likely to be shedding virus without symptoms (in the first year), which in turn puts you at slightly higher risk. To give you an idea of how great this risk is, I've heard experts say that they've never seen a case of auto-inocculation that didn't occur during or shortly after the primary attack. We've got that quote from Dr. Handsfield in a couple of threads (in archive?). Try searching for "oral" or for his name.
When I was still with the woman who gave me herpes, we would abstain during outbreaks, use condoms and refrain from oral sex for about a week after ob or when prodromal symptoms, and no protection other times. I wasn't really worried about catching what I'd already caught. Avoiding contact with active sores was about the extent of our precautions. I suppose you could add washing (or brushing teeth?) before/after sex and that might reduce the risk, but I think the risk is pretty low to begin with.
There are a couple of things I wish I'd done differently then. One is that in the first few months there were times we had sex before my ob was healed (with condom) and wish I hadn't done that. Also wish I'd started taking meds in the beginning. Those two things might have made a difference in the long run.
Um...
Have fun,
windy

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Ben Franklin Apr-06-00, 11:30 AM (CST)

3. "Suppressive medicine?"

Are either of you on valtrex or acyclovir? They don't eliminate chance of shedding, but do reduce the risk.

Top

Danielle Apr-08-00, 06:53 PM (CST)

4. "RE: Suppressive medicine?"

I've been infected 7 months, and my boyfriend who gave it to me shows almost no symptoms. I did not give him oral sex until at least 4 months had passed and my antibodies would be higher, but now we do have it. To be honest, I check out his penis first, and if there is anything even remotely weird looking, I skip it. Or if I have any cuts in my mouth (I get ulcers in my mouth when I have a sinus infection or head cold, always have all my life, and this is not herpes) I also skip it. But the other times we have had it, and I've never had a cold sore. It might be good to have your genital H typed. If you have HSV2, this virus does not the like the oral region very much, so even if you were to reinfect yourself in your mouth, the chances of a recurrence are slim, especially considering that you already have antibodies.
Of course, to be perfectly safe, use a condom. If your skin never touches his, you won't have any chance of passing it on. They have flavored ones so you don't have to taste all that yucky latex. Though using the condom may not be quite as fun, if it helps you to relax and not worry, it will be worth it.
Danielle

Top

gayguy Apr-09-00, 02:52 AM (CST)

5. "RE: Oral Sex"

I was told by a herpes specialist that it is highly unlikely that someone could get herpes from oral sex, at least from infected dick to mouth. They said the virus does not like the mouth, like someone else on here said.
And really, a blowjob with a condom? How sad.

Top

Dizzy Apr-10-00, 03:55 AM (CST)

6. "RE: Oral Sex"

Actually, the chances of getting oral herpes from an infected partner are pretty much the same whether it is from oral, anal or vaginal sex. A lot of doctors are not fully informed on the topic of herpes, and are therefore causing it to spread rather than helping to prevent people from infecting other people.
It is true that HSV2 prefers the genitals and HSV1 prefers the mouth and the face, however it is possible to get them each in their non-preferential area. Although the chances are that you will get fewer breakouts in that situation.

Top

dizzy Apr-10-00, 03:57 AM (CST)

7. "oops..."

please excuse the screw ups in the first paragraph. I'm not really awake yet...living up to my name I guess...(dizzy ditz hehe)
What I meant to say was that you can get oral herpes from any kind of sex that the mouth is involved in.......

Top

Erin Apr-18-00, 00:23 AM (CST)

9. "RE: oops..."

Absolutely!!
The man I was seeing had a cold sore- and no other visible signs-- and I ended up with a scathing, unbelieveably extreme case; both vaginally and in my throat! So it doesn't even necessarily have to be the woman who transmits it to her man while giving oral sex. It works both ways.
Erin

Top

Capricorn Moon Apr-13-00, 09:26 AM (CST)

8. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"

I think you and your partner have a very valid question.
Based entirely on my own experiences and values, here's my own personal opinion:
I got herpes II from someone who had it orally. (My ex). He had an outbreak on his mouth about once every five years. One sore. Herpes II does not "like" the mouth, as someone else here said. Outbreaks tend to be fewer and less severe than HII outbreaks in the genital region.
There is no label attached to the cold sore that tells the general public that it is a "bad old herpes sore". It's a cold sore. Though that label might be nice for anyone who wants to avoid it! And yes, I do admit I like oral sex a great deal. . .obviously, that's how I got infected!
For a couple who already has genital herpes, in exchange for avoiding the slight inconvenience of cold sores (99% of the population has herpes I or II, orally), I just think life's too short to give up on the joys of uninhibited oral sex. My own values, as I said.

Just depends on what you and your partner value, I guess.
Warm Regards,
Capricorn Moon

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cowgirl	Apr-06-00, 08:03 AM (CST)
"oral sex, any realistic ideas??"
okay, here is one of the most wondered about topics which no one seems to REALLY talk about...ORAL SEX. My story... I have been dating this guy for about nine months. I told him about my HSV status within a few dates (we have a LLLOOOONNNGGG distance relationship) and he handled it pretty well. Since then we have been trying to have a realatively normal sex life. We did accomplish this for the first few months, but a couple of months ago he had his primary OB. I am happy to say he survived, although it was a pretty tough primary. So now that we are BOTH HSV positive how have others handled the whole sex thing and specifically oral sex? I am missing giving him oral sex, but am not sure of REALISTIC options. Any ideas????
	Top

dizzy	Apr-06-00, 09:55 AM (CST)
1. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"
I think a condom is about as realistic as your gonna get. That or taking your chances. Statistically, if you have had herpes for at least 6 months already (some say at least a year, depending on the severity of the infection) the chances of re-infection in another area of the body are pretty low because your body should have built up enough antibodies to protect the un-infected nerves. However, there are always exceptions to the rules, so I would advise being careful anyway. As far as you being the reciever of oral sex, you could always use dental dams, however, as I am allergic to latex, I really don't know how realistic it is considering someone here recently told me they're basically just a 5 inch square of plastic. Good luck, what ever you decide to do.
	Top

windy	Apr-06-00, 11:09 AM (CST)
2. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"
cowgirl, we talk about oral sex here more than any group of people I know. I think we LIKE talking about it. Since your guy has the exact same virus you have, then you are both protected to some degree from re-infection. The chances of re-infection or autoinocculation are greatest in the first couple months or so while the immune system is still getting used to dealing with herpes. Right now, he might be at slightly higher risk than you for this, and he's also more likely to be shedding virus without symptoms (in the first year), which in turn puts you at slightly higher risk. To give you an idea of how great this risk is, I've heard experts say that they've never seen a case of auto-inocculation that didn't occur during or shortly after the primary attack. We've got that quote from Dr. Handsfield in a couple of threads (in archive?). Try searching for "oral" or for his name. When I was still with the woman who gave me herpes, we would abstain during outbreaks, use condoms and refrain from oral sex for about a week after ob or when prodromal symptoms, and no protection other times. I wasn't really worried about catching what I'd already caught. Avoiding contact with active sores was about the extent of our precautions. I suppose you could add washing (or brushing teeth?) before/after sex and that might reduce the risk, but I think the risk is pretty low to begin with. There are a couple of things I wish I'd done differently then. One is that in the first few months there were times we had sex before my ob was healed (with condom) and wish I hadn't done that. Also wish I'd started taking meds in the beginning. Those two things might have made a difference in the long run. Um... Have fun, windy
	Top


	Ben Franklin	Apr-06-00, 11:30 AM (CST)
	3. "Suppressive medicine?"
	Are either of you on valtrex or acyclovir? They don't eliminate chance of shedding, but do reduce the risk.
		Top


	Danielle	Apr-08-00, 06:53 PM (CST)
	4. "RE: Suppressive medicine?"
	I've been infected 7 months, and my boyfriend who gave it to me shows almost no symptoms. I did not give him oral sex until at least 4 months had passed and my antibodies would be higher, but now we do have it. To be honest, I check out his penis first, and if there is anything even remotely weird looking, I skip it. Or if I have any cuts in my mouth (I get ulcers in my mouth when I have a sinus infection or head cold, always have all my life, and this is not herpes) I also skip it. But the other times we have had it, and I've never had a cold sore. It might be good to have your genital H typed. If you have HSV2, this virus does not the like the oral region very much, so even if you were to reinfect yourself in your mouth, the chances of a recurrence are slim, especially considering that you already have antibodies. Of course, to be perfectly safe, use a condom. If your skin never touches his, you won't have any chance of passing it on. They have flavored ones so you don't have to taste all that yucky latex. Though using the condom may not be quite as fun, if it helps you to relax and not worry, it will be worth it. Danielle
		Top


	gayguy	Apr-09-00, 02:52 AM (CST)
	5. "RE: Oral Sex"
	I was told by a herpes specialist that it is highly unlikely that someone could get herpes from oral sex, at least from infected dick to mouth. They said the virus does not like the mouth, like someone else on here said. And really, a blowjob with a condom? How sad.
		Top


	Dizzy	Apr-10-00, 03:55 AM (CST)
	6. "RE: Oral Sex"
	Actually, the chances of getting oral herpes from an infected partner are pretty much the same whether it is from oral, anal or vaginal sex. A lot of doctors are not fully informed on the topic of herpes, and are therefore causing it to spread rather than helping to prevent people from infecting other people. It is true that HSV2 prefers the genitals and HSV1 prefers the mouth and the face, however it is possible to get them each in their non-preferential area. Although the chances are that you will get fewer breakouts in that situation.
		Top


	dizzy	Apr-10-00, 03:57 AM (CST)
	7. "oops..."
	please excuse the screw ups in the first paragraph. I'm not really awake yet...living up to my name I guess...(dizzy ditz hehe) What I meant to say was that you can get oral herpes from any kind of sex that the mouth is involved in.......
		Top


	Erin	Apr-18-00, 00:23 AM (CST)
	9. "RE: oops..."
	Absolutely!! The man I was seeing had a cold sore- and no other visible signs-- and I ended up with a scathing, unbelieveably extreme case; both vaginally and in my throat! So it doesn't even necessarily have to be the woman who transmits it to her man while giving oral sex. It works both ways. Erin
		Top

Capricorn Moon	Apr-13-00, 09:26 AM (CST)
8. "RE: oral sex, any realistic ideas??"
I think you and your partner have a very valid question. Based entirely on my own experiences and values, here's my own personal opinion: I got herpes II from someone who had it orally. (My ex). He had an outbreak on his mouth about once every five years. One sore. Herpes II does not "like" the mouth, as someone else here said. Outbreaks tend to be fewer and less severe than HII outbreaks in the genital region. There is no label attached to the cold sore that tells the general public that it is a "bad old herpes sore". It's a cold sore. Though that label might be nice for anyone who wants to avoid it! And yes, I do admit I like oral sex a great deal. . .obviously, that's how I got infected! For a couple who already has genital herpes, in exchange for avoiding the slight inconvenience of cold sores (99% of the population has herpes I or II, orally), I just think life's too short to give up on the joys of uninhibited oral sex. My own values, as I said. Just depends on what you and your partner value, I guess. Warm Regards, Capricorn Moon
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