"Moral Dilemma"
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Keyser Soze Click to EMail Keyser SozeClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 02:55 PM (CST)
"Moral Dilemma"
Hi all,
I have a moral dilemma that I'm hoping you all can give me some feedback on. I was meeting with one of my professors today and she got a personal phone call. She made no effort to lower her voice, and as I was sitting about 10 feet away, there was no way I could avoid hearing what I heard. With that disclaimer out of the way: she was making an appointment for her daughter (under age 18) to see a doctor about a suspected UTI (urinary tract infection). She described to this person her daughter's symptoms, and they sounded EXACTLY like my primary OB: pain on urination, pain suspected to be caused by a scratch in the perineal area...Basically, that was me 3 years ago. The daughter has also been sexually involved with at least one guy in the last 3 months, from what I understand.

My dilemma is this: if this poor girl does have herpes, I'm concerned that she won't get adequate support at home. Herpes is bad enough as an adult, but for a young (emotionally and physically) teenager, it can be devestating. SO, what do I do?!! Rarely am I at a loss about what to do, but this is big time.

Thanks for any input guys!


KS

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 Table of contents

ya could, tinman, Jan-10-00, (1)
moral dilemma, windy, Jan-10-00, (2)
thanks guys, Keyser Soze, Jan-10-00, (3)
KS, the right thing.., Rajah, Jan-10-00, (4)
perspective, windy, Jan-10-00, (5)
my two pennies, Zena, Jan-11-00, (6)
Moral Dilemma, jillian, Jan-11-00, (7)

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tinman Click to EMail tinmanClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 04:44 PM (CST)
1. "ya could"
depending on how comfortable you are...

Go back and see your prof. and apologize for overhearing her side of the conversation. Then you might tell her or not that it sounded similar or familar and offer her some info or at least point her in the direction the old HHP.

Just a thought....

tony

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windy Click to EMail windyClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 04:50 PM (CST)
2. "moral dilemma"
KS,

What's holding you back from saying something (other than because it's probably none of your business)? Are you hesitant to tell the prof. that you're a member of the club, or are you concerned that the daughter might want to keep the results confidential between her and the doc? Do you know the daughter has been sexually active only from this phone call?

If I were in your situation, I'd want to talk to her about it, but I sure would be hesitant to do so as well.

Here's an idea. I don't know how good it is. Maybe in a few days, approach the prof. and ask how her daughter is doing. You might say something like "I couldn't help overhearing the conversation the other day, and the symptoms you described sound..." choice A: "...very famliar to me." choice B "...like something other than the ordinary UTI" and then express your concerns. Who knows. You might be the one to make the correct diagnosis if the doctor misses it.

What's the worst that could happen if you do? Prof. tells you to mind your own business? It's not like you were listening in on something that she tried to keep secret. You blow your cover?


windy

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Keyser Soze Click to EMail Keyser SozeClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 05:02 PM (CST)
3. "thanks guys"
I have a couple of concerns: A. it's really none of my business B. this prof determines whether or not I graduate this spring

I really don't care who knows that I have herpes. I have it, I have had it for 3 years, and I've pretty much dealth with it (i can't believe it's been 3 years! it seems like a lifetime...). So my cover isn't the concern. I do not know for a fact that this girl has gone "all the way", but from previous conversations, I know that she has had some sexuality issues in the past few months. I'm not sure how far her encounters went, but I know it was enough to upset her parents. That's pretty much all I know.

I consider this prof to be a friend (if professors can be friends...it's kind of sketchy ground to tread on), and in some ways she's my "mom away from home", which might explain a lot, because after my mother's reaction to me being diagnosed with herpes, I actually shudder at the thought of going through anything similar to that again. So I guess I lied--I'm not totally accepting of my herpes. http://www.racoon.com/dcforum/Images/happy.gif";> But by the same token, I hate to think of someone else having to go through what I went through with no support. Talk about the proverbial rock and hard place...

I'm thinking I like the suggestion of asking her how her daughter is doing. I don't know where it will get me, but sometimes things just tend to slip out...

You all are the greatest. <img src="

KS

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Rajah Click to EMail RajahClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 10:07 PM (CST)
4. "KS, the right thing.."
/herpes/images2/r.jpg" ALIGN="left"BORDER=0 HSPACE=20 VSPACE=1 >I want to relate a situation that I encountered within the past couple of days on another herpes forum that I was eavsdropping on.

An 18 year old had gotten herpes and had kept it from her parents. Her 16 year old sister was the only one that knew and in the middle of some disagreement she spilled the beans to their parents. The parents were agast and ordered her out of the house saying that she was a bad influence and a health risk to the other four younger kids.

She got online and posted to this other forum and got some very good answers, including one from M'sMom <img src="

the result was that she printed out her thread from the forum and showed it to her parents who immediately understood a lot more about it and became much more sympathetic....happy ending assumed.

I guess the moral of the story is that by helping a little with good information, sometimes a much better result than was expected can result.

KS, I certainly understand your dilemma and have no specific advice as I don't know the personalities involved on the other end. I certainly do know you and I am confident that you will find a way to handle this.

Good luck,

Rajah

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windy Click to EMail windyClick to view user profileClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-10-00, 11:43 PM (CST)
5. "perspective"
>I have a couple of concerns:
>A. it's really none of my
>business B. this prof determines
>whether or not I graduate this
>spring

Obviously, I don't know her, but it's unlikely that she'd retaliate against you for showing genuine concern.


>I consider this prof to be a
>friend (if professors can be friends...it's
>kind of sketchy ground to tread
>on), and in some ways she's
>my "mom away from home", which
>might explain a lot, because after
>my mother's reaction to me being
>diagnosed with herpes, I actually shudder
>at the thought of going through
>anything similar to that again.

Remember that part of your mother's reaction was to your current state at the time you were diagnosed (unless you told her later). That's not where you are now. And she's not your mother, although she probably does care about you.

>I hate to think of
>someone else having to go through
>what I went through with no
>support.

That might be a good thing to say if you do get into this.

windy

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Zena Click to EMail ZenaClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-11-00, 00:36 AM (CST)
6. " my two pennies"
well, even though everyone else thinks you should say something.....here are my thoughts, which are based on a professional relationship. As Rajah said, we don't know the personalities involved on the other side.
Professionally, I would not say anything unless I was approached because this was something you overheard, and were not actaully addressed about.
Yet, this person said this seemingly as though they either wanted you to hear it or are just honestly ignorant to what the daughters affliction may be.
So, really it just depends on how close you really feel to your professor. Do you really consider yourselves as friends? If so, then be a friend. If not, then I would mind my own business until I am asked for my opinion.

Just my opinion....good luck!

Zena

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jillian Click to EMail jillianClick to check IP address of the poster Jan-11-00, 10:20 PM (CST)
7. "Moral Dilemma"
There is no way in HELL I would do this UNLESS you are very close to the professor in question. You have no idea what such a suggestion could do to the family relationships in question. Bottom line is, this could be the symptoms of a myriad of different problems. We are not doctors, and just because we may have had similar symptoms, that doesn't qualify us to offer opinions....not with a disease with such negative stigma. Sure, we would like to change the public's perception, but I guarantee you if you offer up that her daughter might have H, sure she might listen to your educational spiel, but she may not hear any of it. You could do damage to a parental/child relationship, you could also get the raw end of the stick in the end if blame comes back to you. Bottom line is, i had a brain tumor not long ago, yet i don't offer this as a possibility for anyone who tells me they have a headache....not my place, I am not a dr. and just cuz i had a brain tumor doesn't qualify me to offer diagnoses to others. If someone asks specifically listing the same symptoms, i might advise them to have their dr. check otherwise, mind my own business!
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