name/handle: silentone
sex: female
age: 23
occupation: student
year infected: 2000

my story: I feel that I need to share, cuz I've been silent for a long time now, and 
feeling kinda hopeless.

In 1999, when I was 21, I met someone whom I naively fell crazy in love 
with. I now reason with myself that it was a necessary stage in my life, 
and well, it's already happened and in the past. He was my first boyfirend. 
I loved him so much, I thought, that I would change my life just so I 
could accommodate him. I don't think he felt the same. It didn't last long. 
Maybe six months. I was completely heartbroken. It was my worst 
experience in my life. I was one of those people that "tried" to save 
themselves until the right person. I guess I picked the wrong one. I lost 
my virginity to him. I was devastated, and ended up dropping out of school 
for a year to deal with my emotional and spiritual self that was so 
hopelessly lost. I managed to contract Chlamydia , and Herpes2. 
I found out about the herpes two weeks ago.

I've only had sex maybe 15 times max. in my whole entire life. He was so 
cruel to me, he never gave me any foreplay, just pounding sex. He told me 
that I'm being too influenced by what I see in movies. How stupid was I? 
Will I ever experience good sex? I'm so angry at sex. I'm so angry with 
myself for letting this happen. I'm too afraid to have any relationships. 
I fear pain and rejection. I feel dirty.

Now I realized that he's not to be blamed one bit. I made the choice not to 
use a condom. I had loved him more than loved myself. Loving myself should 
be my new project.